A Lover's Lament

“Why don’t you want to talk about it?” he asks, looking me intently in the eye as if trying to read me.

“I don’t know, man. I guess I figured you’d think it was all crazy. Fuck, sometimes I even think it’s fucking crazy.” I take a long drag of my cigarette and think about the words that just came out of my mouth. It’s something I’ve thought a lot about.

“What’s crazy about it?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to the girl in ten fucking years.” And you have no idea what I did to her, I think to myself, knowing full well that not talking to her for ten years doesn’t mean shit.

“Have you talked on the phone, or webcammed, or has it just been letters and emails?” His eyes quiz me even harder now as he puffs at his cigar. He looks like a mob boss interrogating a potential snitch. I can’t say I like these reversed roles very much.

“First phone call was just now,” I say, letting the fresh memory of the conversation tug at my attention. God, her voice is perfect. So soft and delicate … the kind a guy would be lucky to have whispering ‘good morning’ from the pillow beside him. I wonder if her heart raced like mine did during our call?

“No, shit?! That’s cool, man. How’d it go?”

“It was …” I trail off, my thoughts still on the call, my mind filled with images of her wrapped tightly in my arms. “Perfect.”

“You going to call her again tomorrow … or, fuck, I guess it’d be tonight?” he asks, rising to his feet and throwing the cigar butt in the pit. Taking one last drag of my cigarette, I flick it to the ground and then follow him to the tents.

“Yeah, I think I just might do that.”

My day went by as slow as hell, mostly because I was counting the minutes until I could get back to the Comm Center. Good God, I sound like a fucking girl. I look around, half expecting someone to walk up and shoot a bullet through my man card.

When I’m certain I’m alone, I pick up the phone and dial her number. Each ring raises my level of anxiety, and I shift around nervously in the seat. I hope she picks up. Another ring and I’m wishing I had actually scheduled a call with her.

“Hello?” Her sweet voice sends a jolt of electricity through my system, leaving me breathless and at a complete loss for words. “Hello?” she says again, bringing me to my senses.

“Hey, sorry, it’s Devin … hi!” Fuck, I just sounded like a little kid.

“Devin.” She releases my name in a husky breath, and the sound makes my dick go instantly hard. Closing my eyes, I picture us sitting together on the couch, her legs straddling my hips, my hands roaming ever so slowly up her arched back—

“I was hoping you would call. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if you would or not, but I was hoping …”

“You were?”

“Mmm-hmm,” she purrs. The sound is too fucking erotic, and I have to reach down and rearrange my junk.

“This whole time difference thing makes it a little difficult. I wasn’t sure when would be the best time to call you.”

“You can call me anytime.” Her voice may be soft but her words speak volumes, and something inside of me clicks—something that I’ve been worrying about. This is real. “No matter when it is, I’ll do my best to answer … promise.” The sweetness in her promise makes me ache to have her near me, and I have to change the subject before I do something stupid like beg her to marry me. Because that would totally be stupid. Right?

“How was your day?”

“Uneventful,” she says with a sigh. “I had today off, so I went

for a run this morning and did some shopping this afternoon.”

“Run?” I laugh, remembering how much she used to despise running in P.E. “The Katie I know isn’t a runner.”

“Knew … the Katie you knew wasn’t a runner. A lot has changed over the last decade.”

The smile falls from my face for several reasons. First, because she’s right. A lot has changed. And second, because it does nothing but drive home the knowledge that I don’t really know her anymore, and maybe more has changed than I think.

“Okay, I totally lied.” Her husky laugh travels south, and my cock goes from rock solid to throbbing against the confines of my zipper. “I’m so not a runner. But I tried! I really did try. I got up at the break of dawn, laced up my Asics and ran around the block.”

“You ran around the block?”

“It’s a big block.”

“You’re so full of shit,” I joke, feeling the smile slide back onto my face. “I bet you didn’t even run the whole way.”