A Lover's Lament

“Devin, I don’t even know what to say.” She runs her hand softly down my cheek and I lean into it, taking in every bit of her touch. “I knew things were bad and we’ve talked about it before, but this…” She trails off and she bows her head, letting a few tears run down her cheek. I brush the tears lightly from her face and pull her against me, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

“You don’t have to say anything, you know that. Just being here with you is enough.” She looks up, her gorgeous brown eyes sparkling with fresh tears, and it takes everything I have not to kiss her.

We have always just been friends, and although we’ve had many moments like this, we’ve never let anything go further. I’ve wanted to for so long, and not kissing her has been like a slow, painful death, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’d rather have her in my life as a friend than not have her at all.

She slips her bottom lip between her teeth and drops her head to my shoulder. “You promise this is enough?”

The first thing I want to blurt out is ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ But I haven’t watched all those romantic comedies for nothing. I know I need to play it cool. “You’re my best friend, Katie. The person I trust more than anyone in this world. You’re the only one on this earth that could make it better. This…” I pull her even closer to me and plant my lips on the top of her head. I let them linger there a bit, breathing her in before pulling away. “This is everything.”

I can see the tears welling in her eyes, and she’s trying her hardest to keep them off of me. I place two fingers gently against her chin and turn her head toward mine. Her eyes still look down and her eyelids do the best they can to blink away the tears. “Katie,” I say, sweet but firm. She bats her eyelids several more times before looking at me. “Why are you crying?”

She sniffs and wipes her face before answering. “God, Devin… I just wish … I wish … I wish I could take all your pain away.” She rests her head against my shirt and wipes some of her tears on it. She doesn’t know this, but I love when she does that. It feels like she’s sharing a part of herself with me.

“You do take my pain away, Katie.” Cupping her cheeks in my hands, my eyes roam her face, and before I realize it, my lips are on hers. To my surprise, she doesn’t pull back, instead pushing her mouth tighter against mine, effectively sealing any gaps. Her lips are softer and sweeter than I could have imagined, and when my tongue traces the seam of her lips, she opens willing. With each stroke of her tongue against mine, my heart pounds and the pain subsides just a little bit more.

I awoke to a nearly empty plane and a flight attendant poking me in my side. A Post-it note was stuck to the seat in front of me, and it read:

Tried to wake you up.

You’re quite the heavy sleeper, but don’t worry, you didn’t drool.

I have a connection flight I must make.

Nothing but the best to you, soldier.

Chase your heart. Find Katie.

Cheryl

The Post-it note remains clutched in my hand as I board my last flight, take a seat in the rear and buckle myself in. As the flight takes off and we gain altitude, I reread her note many times and can’t help but feel disappointed that I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to my sweet but chatty seatmate. It’s funny the random people you bump into and the effect they can have on you.

The violent thrashing of the plane jolts me from my thoughts and passengers start stirring in their seats. It comes and goes at first, and then a long rattle takes over that makes it feel like the plane just might break into pieces mid-air. Most of the passengers on the plane cry out, drowning out the pilot over the intercom, but I remain quiet. My pulse could beat its way through my veins, but I sit still, clutching each armrest tightly in my hands and watching the scenes of my life play like a movie in my head. I’m forced to realize the ironic and random nature of death. It is very likely that I could survive two deployments to a combat zone and die right here on the plane ride back home. What a mindfuck.

As the chaos erupts around me and the turbulence continues to make death a

ll too real for everyone aboard, I can’t help but think of Katie. I can’t believe how dumb I’m being, and what an insecure and jealous asshole I’ve been. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did on the phone. It was obvious that she wanted to see me, but I sure as hell didn’t make it clear how badly I wanted to see her. She was going to clear her schedule and then I fucked it up.

It doesn’t matter though because I’ll make it right, even if I have to go to Tennessee. I don’t care if I have to drive all night, I will see Katie Devora, and I will tell that beautiful woman that I want her—and only her—for the rest of my life. And then I’ll explain to her that every day I’ve been without her, I’ve lost a little part of myself, and I’ll work my ass off to prove to her that I can be the man she deserves. No more walking away, and certainly no more hothead moments.

The turbulence eventually stops and people do their best to calm down, some muttering prayers, and I find myself taking a deep breath. Never again will I take for granted what Katie has given me and what she brings to my life. Never again will I let my pride get the best of me.

These thoughts are what get me through the hour-long flight from New York to Pittsburgh. I’m fucking ecstatic at the possibility of seeing Katie, but I’m conflicted by the death of my mother and how it will feel to put her into the ground. I need to get through the funeral and say goodbye to Josephine, and then I can focus on the reunion I’ve waited ten long years for.

My foot bobs rapidly as my thoughts race, and even three Bloody Marys haven’t calmed me down. And then it happens … the loud ding followed by the flight attendant announcing our final descent. I flip open the window shade and take in the familiar sights of my old stomping grounds. One step closer to Katie.

Getting off the plane and walking into the airport is like getting hit by a wave of nostalgia. I haven’t been in this airport since the flight that took me to basic training. And though many things have changed since then, it still feels so familiar and comforting. Before I know it, I’m heading toward baggage claim with a toothy smile that I’m sure causes a few stares. I just don’t care. None of them would ever guess I was here for a funeral, and I know I should feel guilty for that, but going from a toxic war zone to a place I called home so long ago, a place without bullets, bombs, and death, is almost overwhelming. I want to strip myself from this uniform, throw on some jeans and a tee shirt, and just be normal again.

The escalator that takes us to where we pick up our baggage couldn’t be longer, or any slower, and I’m anxious to the point that I’m getting annoyed. Squeezing my eyes shut, I run a hand over my face and stifle a grown. Dropping my hand, my eyes reopen, instantly landing on a familiar set of brown eyes—although they’re not locked on me. My limbs tingle right before going completely numb, and when the escalator drops me off at the bottom, I nearly stumble to the ground.

Katie.

She’s scanning the area to the left of me, and I know that any second she’ll see me. I could call out to her, but right now I’m enjoying being able to just look at her. Her hair is longer than I remember it, and she has dark brown waves hanging messily over her right shoulder. She’s my Katie … only older, more mature. Her tits are bigger, her hourglass figure clearly defined through her tight t-shirt, and her hips are fuller too. She’s fucking sexy and hell, and don’t get me started on those mile-long legs. Her body has definitely changed, and I can’t wait to get my fucking hands on her.

My hungry gaze travels up the length of her body, and when my eyes land on hers, she’s watching me, tears running down her flushed cheeks. So I do the only thing I can do …

“A Thousand Years”—Christina Perri

PUSHING MY WAY PAST THE other passengers, I hurry up the ramp. My flight was delayed by an hour, which ultimately meant our flights landed at the same time. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. Today, however, it is.