A Lover's Lament

Watching him work me to the brink is surprisingly erotic. It’s something I’m not particularly used to, so I squeeze my eyes shut before I do or say something to embarrass myself.

“Watch me, Katie.”

I don’t need to watch, soldier, I can feel it and it’s fanfuckingtastic.

I peel my eyes open anyway. His eyes are on mine, intense and swirling with desire. I always did feel pretty around Devin, but right now, the way he’s looking at me, I feel sexy.

“You like that, don’t you?” he asks. I nod, mostly because I can’t form words. My body is coiled tight and a light moan falls from my mouth. “What do you want now, Katie?”

Good God, stop talking.

“I—I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

“Don’t stop,” I pant, fighting the heaviness of my eyelids. I want nothing more than to toss my head back and let myself go, but now that I’ve started, I can’t stop watching.

“Wasn’t plannin’ on it. Now tell me what you want.”

“Touch yourself,” I blurt, feeling heat infuse my cheeks when I realize exactly what it was I just asked him to do.

“You want me to touch myself?”

I nod, watching with rapt attention as he grips himself with his free hand and slides it slowly up and down his shaft. “Does this turn you on, Katie?” he asks, picking up speed with both hands.

“Yes. God yes. It’s …” My words trail off when my legs start to tremble. I won’t be able to hold on much longer. Everything around me goes dark and I finally give in. Squeezing my eyes shut, I toss my head back.

Devin yanks his hand from my legs, but before I even have time to react, I’m being flipped over. My nipples push against the sheet when Devin rocks into me, and I arch backward as the sensation sends sparks of pleasure straight to my toes.

“I love being inside of you,” he whispers before brushing my hair out of the way and kissing the back of my neck. “You feel so fucking good, it hurts. This is perfection. You’re perfection.”

His words push me over the edge, and I cry out as my orgasm slams into me with much more force than I’m used to. My toes curl, my skin igniting with intense heat as my hips rock in tandem with his. “Fuck, that’s hot,” he growls. Devin grips my hair, circles it around his wrist and tugs lightly, drawing my head back. It’s soft and sweet, completely contradictory to the way he’s slamming into me. When his lips find my neck, he bites down lightly on the skin below my ear and I whimper. His body goes rigid above mine and his grip tightens on my hair as he pushes into me several more times.

I feel a rush of moisture and Devin groans, a string of unintelligible words falling from his mouth. There are no words to describe what he just did to me. It’s never been like that … not even last night. My body goes limp and the feel of his weight on my back is comforting. Slowly, he pulls out of me and I’m instantly left with a feeling of emptiness—a feeling I’m suddenly not too fond of.

“Shit,” Devin hisses, dropping his head to my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Katie.”

“For what?” I ask, having absolutely no idea what he could be apologizing for after what we just did.

“I wasn’t thinking,” he says, his voice low. “I didn’t … we didn’t use protection, last night or tonight.”

Oh, that. Good thing I’ve got it covered. “I’m on birth control. I take it regularly and I haven’t been on antibiotics, so we’re good to go.”

“Okay,” he says, blowing out a quick breath. “Had me worried there for a second. Not that I wouldn’t want to … you know, have babies with you and everything … but—”

“Just stop.” I laugh, loving the way he instantly clammed up at the mere thought of me getting pregnant. Typical man. “We’re good. It’s all good.” He kisses the back of my neck.

Devin slides to the left of me, wraps an arm around my back and nuzzles his face close to mine. He kisses my nose and then my mouth, and when I finally gather enough strength to open my eyes, his are closed.

Peaceful. That’s the best way to describe the look on his face. He looks content and peaceful, and I have a feeling that he doesn’t experience those feelings very often. His lips part, his warm breath fanning across my face. Reaching up, I run my thumb along his lip, followed by his cheekbone. I’m trying to memorize everything about him that I possibly can, because I know that soon I’ll have to let him go. And after being with him again, I’m not sure how well I’ll handle that.

Between his letters and the phone conversations we’ve had, I got the sense that he still owned a large part of my heart, but being wrapped in his arms, the familiarity of his body against mine, I realize now that was stupid. He owns all of it. He always has and he always will.

“I love you,” I whisper, not sure if he’s even awake to hear me.

“I love you more.” His eyes open. They’re glossy, and the way he’s looking at me speaks volumes, but those three words coming from his mouth pull tears from my eyes. He was gone … for ten long years I had to live without him, and my feelings didn’t wane one bit. Sure, I was angry and pushed the love aside, but it was too strong for me to fight. All my heart needed was to be near him again to remember that it beats for him.

Wyatt never stood a chance … no man would’ve ever stood a chance. Because there is only person in this world for me, and that’s Devin Ulysses Clay.