The Water-Method Man

They took him to one for machines. That's what he wanted. There was a giant contraption at the main entrance, a jumble of gears, levers, steam whistles and hammering rods as high as a three-story ceiling, as wide as a barn.

'What does it do?' Colm asked, standing transfixed by its terrible energy. The thing sounded as if it was constructing a building for itself.

'I don't know,' said Trumper.

'I don't think it actually does anything,' Tulpen said.

'It just sort of works, right?' said Colm.

'Yup,' said Trumper.

There were hundreds of machines. Some were delicate, some were violent, some you could start and stop yourself, some were terribly noisy bashers and others appeared to be resting - like the great, potential animals in zoos who are always asleep.

In the big tunnel leading out of the building, Colm stopped and felt the wall with his hand, absorbing the vibration of all those machines. 'Boy,' he said. 'You can feel them.'

Trumper hated machines.

Another museum was showing W.C. Fields in The Bank Dick, so they took Colm to it. Both he and Trumper howled throughout the film, but Tulpen fell asleep. 'I guess she doesn't like the movie,' Bogus whispered to Colm.

'I think she's just tired,' Colm whispered. After a pause, he added, 'Why does she sleep on the couch?'

Deftly changing the subject, Trumper said, 'Maybe she doesn't think the movie's so funny.'

'But it is.'

'Right,' said Trumper.

'You know what?' Colm whispered thoughtful

ly. 'Girls don't like funny things so much.'

'They don't?'

'Nope. Mommy doesn't, and ... what's her name?' he asked, poking Tulpen.

'Tulpen,' Trumper whispered.

'Tulpen,' said Colm. 'She doesn't like funny things either.'

'Well ...'

'But you do, and I do,' Colm said.

'Right,' Trumper whispered. He could listen to the kid for days, he thought.

'Couth thinks things are funny too,' Colm went on, but Trumper lost him there. He watched W.C. Fields drive the terrified bank robber out to the end of the dock overhanging the lake. Fields said to the robber, 'From here on, you'll have to take the boat.' Colm was doubled up, laughing so hard that he woke Tulpen, but Trumper couldn't even manage a convincing smile.

During Colm's last night in New York, Bogus Trumper had a nightmare about airplanes and this time it was Trumper who woke up Colm and Tulpen with his howls.

Colm was wide-awake, popping questions and looking for turtles who might have attacked his father. But Tulpen told him that it was OK; his father had just had a bad dream. 'I have those sometimes, too,' Colm confessed, and he looked very sympathetically at Bogus.

Because of the dream, Bogus decided to borrow Kent's car and drive Colm back to Maine.

'That's silly,' Biggie said on the phone.

'I'm a good driver,' Trumper said.

'I know you are, but it will take so long. He can fly to Portland in an hour.'