Pause (Larsen Bros)

Clem hands out beers, earning a kiss on the cheek from her doting husband. She was attacked a bit over a year ago, and lost all of her memories, though she was only briefly in a coma.

Clem and Ed live in the condo beside ours, along with their dog Gordy, who is asleep under the dining table. He’s a silver Staffordshire terrier and a very good boy. Apparently some creeper dude by the name of Tim used to live in this condo, so everyone was pleased as punch when he left and Leif got the place. They’re obviously all close. A loving family. It’s nice to see them interacting and to be around new people. Today feels like a big step forward. No more stagnating. I am rebuilding my life from the ground up.

“So that’s what the place looks like with stuff in it. I like it.” Hand on hips, Leif looks around with a pleased grin. “What do you think, Anna?”

I smile. “I think it’s all good.”

“Excellent.”

“It’s like a real home now,” says Clem. “You hadn’t made much of an effort with it, Leif. I guess you’re the type that needs a woman to step in and sort things out.”

Ed hides a smile.

“Thanks for the feedback, Clem.” Leif salutes her with his bottle of beer.

“You’re welcome.” The woman can be blunt, but I like it. Fuck faux politeness.

Why do we do that? Why do we hide our thoughts and feelings from people? If we can’t trust who we’re talking to, then do we really even need them in our lives? Though if we’re likely to hurt someone with a possibly unnecessary comment, then I guess I can see the point. Or if they’re just an acquaintance, but someone who for one reason or another we need in our lives . . .

Huh. People are tricky. Relationships are hard.

Perhaps we’ll never really know what most of those around us are really thinking. Maybe that’s for the best. I don’t know. All my deep thoughts have given me is a renewed sense of confusion.

“I don’t think we should run away together after all,” Leif says to Clem with a teasing smile. “Let’s stay with my fool of a brother and make him move furniture around for the rest of his days. It’ll irritate him no end, my lovely Clementine.”

“One of these days when you’re flirting with her I’m going to hit you with something,” says Ed with a pained expression. “Like my fist.”

Leif just blinks. “So violent.”

“Your mom said you two used to fight constantly when you were kids,” says Clem. “I think I prefer you both having grown out of that stage.”

“Seconded,” I add.

“What are you thinking about?” asks Leif, joining me at the table. “What does that look on your face mean?”

My stomach grumbles. Talk about rude. “It means I need food.”

“In the mood for Mexican?”

“Always,” I say, pulling my cell out of my back jean pocket. “I’ll get it. To thank everyone for helping with the move. You guys will stay for dinner, right?”

“We’d love to,” says Clem.

“Great.” I ask for recommendations, and we settle on a local place with good reviews and get busy ordering a bit of everything. “Can’t believe you didn’t even own silverware or plates.”

Leif just shrugs. “I stole a mug from work. That’s all I really needed. Delivery places give you those bamboo cutlery sets all of the time. Seemed a shame to waste them.”

“Very environmentally conscious of you.”

“Nuh.” Ed snorts. “He’s just lazy and he hates shopping. If Mom knew he’d been using empty peanut butter jars as drinking glasses she’d have been over here getting his ass organized months ago.”

“You know, I think I prefer environmentally conscious,” confides Leif. “Makes me sound good.”

His brother just shakes his head.

“He’s right about Mom, though. I am her baby and proud.”

“I can tell you’re the youngest of the family,” I say. “That makes sense.”

“Because of my youthful good looks?”

“Sure.” I smile. “That’s exactly it.”

Clem laughs.

She and Ed have been married for about a year and are still firmly in the honeymoon period. It’s obvious in the way they’re always touching and looking at each other. They’re so in sync.

Ryan and I used to be that way. Before the accident happened, we were in a good place. We didn’t fight a whole lot because often it just wasn’t worth the drama. He could sulk for sustained periods, which was tiresome. I picked my battles. The things that were really worthwhile, that I was willing to dig in over and make my point be heard. I’m not sure if that’s healthy or not, censoring yourself in that way.

Love is such a strange thing. The whole idea of making a commitment to someone. There’s no guaranteed return, just the chance to give. And we throw our heart and soul into the situation, hoping for the best. It’s a giant leap of faith. Nice to see it can work out for some people. I don’t want to get jaded and bitter, but now and then it’s definitely tempting. In the far distant future I’ll meet someone who’ll be so far superior to Ryan and his hazy loyalties and wandering cock that my first marriage and its demise will all seem like a bad dream. One day. No rush.