With much grumbling and groaning, Leif rolls onto his back. He’s still in his faded black tee and blue jeans from last night. I’m still in my evening gown. When his gaze flicks over my chest region, I do a quick check to ensure the girls are covered. God bless double-sided tape. All necessities remain hidden. No such luck for my bird’s nest of a hairdo. And the intimacy of waking up beside him is . . . a lot. But I can ignore that. No problem.
“Does Denise actually believe that you’re going to rush out and get remarried without checking the fit first?” he asks, smothering a yawn.
“Checking the fit.” I grin. “I’ve never heard it described that way. I don’t know. Maybe she has doubts as to my ability to both find and go on a date. Perhaps she’s gotten the hots for the idea of having grandkids. I don’t know. Considering she didn’t even like spending time with me when I was a child, I don’t see how this is going to work.” I scroll through the unending messages. Mom’s dedication sure is something. Something scary. “Oh. This one’s a dentist. Score.”
“Think of all those free fillings.”
I snort. Talk about a meeting of dirty minds.
“May I?” asks Leif, holding out his hand.
I pass over my cell.
“Hold up. I know him,” he mumbles.
“Really?”
“Yeah. He’s got this amazing full-color serpent tattooed on his genitals. Hours of work, that.”
“What?” I ask. “He has not. You’re making that up.”
“It’s true. Ed did it himself,” he says. “Got to hand it to your dentist, that sort of thing requires dedication. Especially getting your balls tattooed, you know? That’s some sensitive skin. And so soft and wrinkly. Requires very careful handling. Don’t even ask me about the amount of waxing you’d need to get done beforehand. Ouch.”
I narrow my eyes. “You’re lying.”
“Of course I’m lying.” He laughs. “Rest assured, I have no idea what, if anything, is on your dentist’s dick. And even if I did, I’d be bound by professional confidentiality to never tell. But the fascination warring with distaste in your expression is fun to see, though.”
“I wasn’t doing anything,” I say as I start typing out a text.
Me: Mother. No.
Mom: What do you mean?
Mom: I’m just trying to be supportive.
Me: Supportive is baking me a cake or buying me a bottle of wine. Saying something kind. Supportive is not hunting up a bang for me the day after my divorce is finalized.
Mom:I’m just interested in your life.
Me: Be interested in my life out of the bedroom. Much less awkward.
Mom: Sex is a perfectly natural thing. Leif is right. You’re so judgy.
“You told my mom I was judgy?” I ask, ever so slightly cranky. Or hung over. Possibly both.
“I need coffee,” he says, sitting up and stretching. The way his biceps bulge during this process is frankly fascinating.
“I can’t believe you said that to her.”
He sighs. “Anna, I asked Denise where she thought you got your judgmental tendencies from. It was meant to be a joke, but I see the error of my ways now.”
“You need to stop talking to my mom.”
“No. I like Denise. She’s funny.”
“Yeah? Are you laughing with her or at her?”
“Now that hurts my feelings.”
“I am perhaps somewhat overly defensive on this front. Sorry.”
“Apology accepted. I’m laughing with her. That woman knows herself well. More than you give her credit for,” he says. “And she doesn’t take herself too seriously, either.”
“Hmm.”
“You have mommy issues,” he says in a rough morning voice. “Fuck, my head hurts. Champagne is lethal.”
“Yeah.”
“No, really. I hurt in the weirdest places.”
“Curtail your man pain. We’re all suffering here,” I say with a groan. “And I don’t have mommy issues. Just some concerns about becoming her mixed with an innate fear of disappointing her brought on by being largely ignored throughout my childhood.”
“Like I said. Mommy issues.”
“Go make me coffee. Please. Pretty please?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He heads for the door, but stops halfway. “I slept beside you.”
I just smile.
“All night.”
“Just figuring that out, huh?” I ask.
He scratches his head, his hair sticking out in every which direction. The difference between me and him is that he makes mornings look good. “Anna, I . . . wow. Wasn’t actually sure that was possible anymore after Shannon and everything. But I didn’t have a nightmare for once. Between you, the champagne, and your fancy bed linen, I actually spent an entire night asleep.”
“You’re going to be fine, Leif. You really are.”
He frowns.
“She hurt you, but she didn’t break you. And everything that happened is on her,” I say, putting my heart and soul into the words. “You’re a good person. One of the best people I’ve ever met. Be kind to yourself, Leif, and don’t carry that around any longer. It’s not your burden because you didn’t do anything wrong. Let it go.”