He thinks it over for a moment. “I strongly disagree with that decision, but okay. Talk to me, Anna.”
“Oh, man,” I groan, my head falling back against the couch. “I trust you with certain things, okay? It’s complicated.”
“Huh.”
“What?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a woman lay that one on me before. ‘It’s complicated,’” he says. “I know I’ve used it a couple of times, but never actually gotten it thrown back at me.”
“It’s the truth.”
He nods. “I know. I get it.”
“Can we stop talking about this now?” I ask. “Please?”
“Not quite yet. Just out of interest, what things do you trust me with?”
I sigh. “I don’t know. I trust you as a friend.”
“But not as a lover?”
“I trust you not to hurt or humiliate me in bed. To make sure I have a good time.”
“That’s good,” he says. “I’m glad you’re at ease with me when we’re having sex. But I take it trust out of bed is going to take longer?”
I don’t know what to say.
“Your heart’s locked up tight, huh?” It’s more of a statement than a question. And important to note, he’s not saying he wants my heart. More like he’s testing my limits or something. This new dalliance of ours is so confusing.
“Leif,” I say, voice low and a little anguished. “We just started this.”
“Right, right.” He gives me his best fake smile. Guess it’s been a day for those. “I understand.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I get that.” He takes a breath. “You know I’ll always do my best to be careful with you, don’t you? Tell me that much is clear.”
“Yes.”
His smile turns into something more real. Something with actual warmth. “You wouldn’t believe how many times today I thought about your pussy.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I’ve seen some pretty vaginas in my lifetime, but yours is beautiful.”
“Ah, thank you.”
He scratches at his stubble all contemplative like. “It’s actually on the verge of becoming an occupational hazard, my obsession with your pussy. If I’m not careful I might lose track of what I’m doing and someone might accidentally wind up with your clitoris tattooed on their shoulder. Your labia inked out on their leg. Who knows?”
I laugh. “Oh my, God.”
“I did a quick sketch during my lunch break if you’d like to see it.”
“Of my . . .”
“Of your cunt. Yes.”
“You did not.” Heat rushes into my face. “Leif.”
He just grins.
“You’re joking.” I sag in relief.
“Am I?” he asks, acting all coy. Bastard.
“This is the strangest discussion I’ve ever had.”
“I thought about you all day long,” he says.
“A part of me.”
“All of you really. I was just messing with you.” He tips his chin. “Come over here.”
“So you didn’t really draw my . . .”
“Oh yeah, I did. I was serious about that,” he says. “But I haven’t just been fixating on just one part. It’s more the whole of you that’s making me happy.”
“Is that so?” And there’s this warmth inside of me. Like my heart is too big for my chest. I don’t want to feel so much, but I can’t help it. He does things to me. “I thought about you too.”
“Good to hear.”
I cross the floor, fingers itching to touch the man. I’m such a fool for him and I couldn’t stop it now if I tried. That’s the truth. All of my anxiety and second-guessing is for nothing. I’m holding onto this thing between us for as long as I can. My hands slide down his chest, taking in all of his hot, smooth skin.
“I like it when you’re bold,” he says in a deep voice. “When you take what you want.”
“So do I.”
“There’s no judgment here, baby. You can do whatever you like. Have whatever you want.” He licks his lips and heat rushes through me.
“Leif . . .”
“Hmm?”
“Enough already with the pants.” My smile is all sharp teeth as I tear into the button and fly of his jeans. With the material bunched up, I push them halfway down his thighs. Past his spectacular tight ass and all the rest.
“What can I do you for, Anna?”
“Just stay still.”
A brief frown of confusion crosses his face.
“It’s my turn to give,” I say, sinking to my knees.
While there’s a definite art to sucking cock, any man worth your time is just going to be happy you want to use your mouth on him. That’s the fact of the matter. Still, I lick my lips and gaze up at him.
This whole situation gives me a thrill. From the hard wooden floor beneath my knees to the cool night air on my bare skin. For all he says I like giving up control, it’s hard not to feel like I have all of the power with my teeth so close to his dick. A wicked thought, but I don’t back away from it. All of this is a revelation. This is what it’s like to enjoy someone fully, to be safe with them. I never realized how it was missing, how much I wanted it, until Leif started giving it to me. Though I don’t say it, I hope he feels cherished. Wanted. Adored. I want that for him with all my heart and soul because he’s been through more than enough. We both have.