Pause (Larsen Bros)

“Wait,” I say. “What’s that meant to mean? ‘Doing so well’?”

“Well, that you’re together.”

“He told you that? That we’re together?”

“Hmm?” Mom delicately takes a bite of her cookie before pressing the paper napkin to her lips. “Of course not. Rest assured, he doesn’t give away any of your secrets. He’s not stupid.”

“Then why would you think . . .”

“Know, dear. I know that you two are now together,” she says. “And that’s because I could hear it in his tone of voice when he talks about you. The boy was practically gushing. It was so sweet.”

“The boy is over thirty years old.”

Mom just shrugs. “I do find it interesting that you’re not denying that you and he are now involved.”

“What would be the point?” I take a sip of coffee. “You’re already convinced you’re right.”

“That’s because I am right.”

“I’ve neither confirmed nor denied.”

“You don’t need to. I already know.”

I smile despite myself. “Yeah, well, it’s not serious, so don’t get carried away and start planning another wedding.”

“Look at that smile. You’re happy and it’s beautiful to see. As for planning anything, I wouldn’t dare,” she says in a sassy tone. “And I’d imagine you’re taking your time and getting to know one another, which is wise and good. There’s no need to rush into anything.”

I just nod.

“Just enjoy yourself. You haven’t been single for a long time. There’s all these opportunities and possibilities available to you right now.”

“The ink on the divorce certificate is still fresh. Whatever would the church ladies say?”

She clicks her tongue. “Everyone has an opinion, Anna. Doesn’t mean you need to listen.”

“True.”

“Good Lord, you admitting I’m right about something. Pinch me. Am I really awake?”

I give her the look. “At least I come by my sarcastic tendencies honestly.”

Mom laughs.

“How’s Dad?”

“Alive and well. He’s off playing golf.”

“Of course he is,” I mumble. “Does that ever bother you, how much time and effort goes into golf?”

Mom sits back in her chair with her legs crossed, rocking her foot back and forth. “No, not for my part. We both have our own interests, which is good. Otherwise we’d have nothing to talk about. We heard all of each other’s stories a long time ago. Not that I have any particular interest in hearing about his golf game, but I’m glad it makes him happy and opens him up to a new social group.”

“Okay.”

“Your father and I have always done our best communicating in bed.”

My brows shoot up. “Oh, God. You did not just tell me that.”

“One thing I’ve learned is that you have to choose what kind of relationship you want,” she continues. “If you send them off with a smile then there’s a better chance that they’ll rush on back to you when they’re done with whatever. Oh, and the second thing I learned was to pick your fights. If you want your voice to be heard, then use it wisely.”

“I basically agree with those. But what about venting in general? Are you just supposed to shut up and play the good wife and never say a thing?”

“No. That’s different.”

“Ah.”

“It’s interesting, isn’t it, looking at how people relate,” says Mom. “I always say, you have no idea what makes or doesn’t make a relationship work unless you’re one of the people in it.”

“That makes sense.”

Back and forth rocks her foot. “Don’t lose your nerve just because of one failed marriage. Your Aunt Peggy didn’t find Mister Right until her third try.”

“And you mocked her for it.”

“Did I?” Mom frowns off into the middle distance. “I don’t remember that.”

“It was mostly done behind her back.”

“Hmm,” she says. “The years may have softened me some. So has almost losing my only child. If anything is going to teach you grace and how not to sweat the small stuff, it’s that. But I’ll have you know that I also took Peggy in and let her sleep in our spare room for months at a time when marriages one and two fell apart. I’m not totally terrible.”

“I never said you were.”

“You wouldn’t believe how many long-winded discussions we had over a bottle of wine late at night after you’d gone to bed.”

“Family is complicated.”

“Well, that’s true. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a little teasing now and then. Or with venting.”

“This conversation has gotten unexpectedly deep and probing.”

“Is that a problem?” she asks.

“No. Just a bit surprising. Why did we never talk this openly before?”

She contemplates this for a moment, stirring the spoon around in her coffee once again. “Maybe Ryan and Celine didn’t leave much room in your life for other people.”

“Hmm.”

“Or maybe I was busy with my own things and didn’t make enough of an effort with you.”

“Maybe we both needed to make more of an effort,” I say.

“Maybe. Perhaps you were also a little wary of me. I heaped a lot of expectations on you when you were younger. I was harder on you than I should have been because you were a girl. A lot of it was about me and the way I grew up. What type of a parent my own mother was to me. It was only when I saw how it was hurting you that I realized and stopped. But time teaches us all to calm the heck down some. To be kinder to yourself and others,” she says with a gentle smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t always the best mother, sweetie. I learned from my mistakes, but that doesn’t change the fact that mistakes were made. I’m sorry they hurt you, and I want you to know I love you more than anything.”