Pause (Larsen Bros)

Which is when I see them on the side table. A vase overflowing with flowers. Daisies, lavender, lilies, carnations, and roses. They’re beautiful. All I can do is stare. “Where did they come from?”

“Huh?” he asks, flopping onto the lounge. “Oh. Yeah. I picked them up on my way home earlier. Mom is all keen to meet you, by the way. I don’t think you’re going to get out of going to family dinners for long. She’s way overexcited.”

“Really?”

“Come on,” he says, holding a bottle of beer out to me. “If you’re a good girl, I’ll let you play nurse.”

To this, I say nothing. But I do take the seat and the beer and hold the ice to his poor wounded eye. I also hand over the pills.

He winces, the smile falling away. “At least I broke the fucker’s nose.”

“Never again.”

“Which I will never do again because violence is wrong, even though he started it and deserved it.”

I take a sip of beer. “Thank you.”

“Like I was saying, Clem and Ed were singing your praises at dinner and now Mom is all hyped up to meet you. Hope that’s okay.”

“Ah, sure.”

He smiles encouragingly.

“You know, as long as she understands . . .”

“What?”

“That we’re . . . that it’s early days and we, um . . . well, you know . . .”

“Sure,” he says eventually, putting me out of my word-stumbling misery.

“Okay. Great.”

“Clem mentioned she and Tessa had asked you to hang with them.”

“Yeah?”

“You never mentioned,” he says, gulping down some beer. “They like you a lot. Apparently they want to incorporate you into their girl gang or something. Secret handshakes may be involved. I’m not sure what the process is exactly.”

“That’s very kind of them.”

“But it’s not what you want?” he asks.

“No. I didn’t say that.”

“You’re just holding back. Being careful.” His gaze is gentle. “It’s understandable.”

“Is it?” I ask. “In some ways it feels cowardly. Like I’m putting my life on pause again.”

“Trust takes time.”

I frown, and my gaze darts back to the flowers and oh shit. He definitely saw that.

“You’re not into flowers.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement. “Never mind. Next time I’ll get you something else.”

“They’re beautiful.”

At this, he just blinks.

“I love them. I’m just a bit surprised because I thought we weren’t sort of really being serious like that, you know?”

He gently pushes my hand holding the ice away from his face. “Anna, I was just thinking of you and wanted to make you smile. They don’t have to mean anything if you don’t want them to.”

“And meeting your parents?”

His eyes go wide. “Huh. Okay.”

“What?”

“You’re freaking out.”

“I am . . . I am not freaking out. It’s just all a bit sudden.”

He laughs.

“Why are you laughing?” I ask, voice tense.

“Sudden?” he asks with that damn eyebrow raised in query again. “No, come on. We live in each other’s pockets, Anna. This is not sudden.”

“Well, it is for me.”

“You’re kind of in denial then.” He licks his lips. “You’re holding back with me too.”

I don’t know what to say.

“I have been making a concentrated effort to woo you for a while now. Please tell me you’ve noticed.”

“We were taking things slow.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Sort of, but not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, you’ve been through a lot. I get it. And I’m all about you taking your time and feeling safe. But, baby, we live together, work together, and sleep together. I don’t see how we could be any more together if we tried,” he says, stopping to take a breath. Like he’s trying to be patient, but right now it’s costing him. “If me buying you flowers or you meeting my folks is upsetting then we’ll put it off for now. But don’t tell me that absolutely nothing’s going on here between us, please. I don’t think my heart could take it.”

I just stare. And hold my beer and the ice.

He takes another deep breath and lets it out slow. “Maybe I’m a bit on edge after the whole Ryan thing. This isn’t something we should be fighting about. Everything will be fine, okay? I’m going to take a minute and cool off, all right?”

“All right.”

And he gets to his feet, goes into his bedroom, and doesn’t come out again that night.

CHAPTER TEN

Leif has already left for work when I wake in the morning. I slept in due to staying awake half the night listening for him. Because he never did come back out of his room. Maybe he fell asleep. Maybe he’s sick of my shit. I just don’t know. And everything I thought to say stalled on my tongue long before I worked up the nerve to knock on his door. Possibly he just needed some space. It happens. I’d have to be a needy, pushy bitch to interfere with him having said space. Or maybe I’m a coward. It’s a hard call. So we haven’t talked since he accused me of holding back on him.