“No! It’s donuts!” Aaron held a big box from the Hole in One bakery downtown and was in the process of lifting out a giant crueller. “Lucy brought them. How awesome is that?”
“Very awesome, but take that into the kitchen,” Jeremiah said, imagining the box spilling to the floor. Adele would spend hours getting sprinkles out of the carpet.
Aaron skipped out. Cheers greeted him in the kitchen.
“What…what are you doing here?” he asked, once they were alone.
Lucy dropped her purse onto the ground, threw her keys on top of it and crossed the room to stand a foot from him. Purpose made her glow in that yellow dress.
“I’m no man’s dirty secret, Jeremiah.” She flipped a ribbon of black hair over her shoulder and lifted her chin like she was going into a fight. His body roared its approval.
“I didn’t…that wasn’t my intention.”
“You said you missed me.” She ignored his pathetic denials.
“I do.”
She grinned like he was a slow kid finally getting an answer right—and that’s about how he felt. His slow male brain could not figure out what was going on.
“I miss you too,” she said. “A lot. And if you want to meet me in a hotel on Friday nights for a few hours, I’m all for it.”
“You weren’t on Friday.”
“Because I want more.”
Terror lasered through his body. “More? More what?”
“Well, to start, donuts. This morning with you and the boys. And if that’s too much, then tell me and I’ll go. But then you and I need to not see each other. For good. Make another arrangement for Ben and stop coming to the ranch. Because it’s too hard—obviously on both of us.”
He didn’t answer, he couldn’t. Because it was too much. But she was also here. Right here, in front of him, and she was glowing.
Resentment clogged his throat, burning away the words that would make her walk right back out that door.
I want her to stay. I want her.
But I can’t have her. We’ve finally got something good going in this house. I can’t mess that up.
“Jeremiah.” She sighed, as if she knew. As if she was fully aware of how delicate the balance was in his life, how impossible it was to maintain it with her around.
“Lucy!” It was Casey, rocketing out of the kitchen, a donut in each hand. He hugged her legs, chocolate and sugar glaze smearing her dress, not that she seemed to mind. “Thanks for the donuts.”
“You are welcome, buddy. We miss you around the ranch. Mom has all this banana bread and no one is tasting it.”
Casey gasped and turned on Jeremiah. “See? I told you, you should take me to the ranch. They need me, Uncle J.”
“Clearly.” The wryness in his tone went right over Casey’s head, but Lucy caught it and the look she gave him was unreadable.
“Hey, Lucy. Can I have a bracelet like Ben’s?” Casey asked.
“Me too!” Aaron charged into the living room, also with a donut in each hand.
Ben stood in the doorway, lingering on the edges, as if reluctant to get too close. But he was there.
Was it possible, Jeremiah wondered, to have both? To have what he wanted and what would be good for the boys? And how long could he make that last?
How much time would be enough, with her? How much time to satisfy this craving he had for her?
He was frozen.
“Hey Lucy,” Ben said, waving the ladle, green spots landing on his shoes. Jeremiah didn’t say anything about the mess the boy was making, he was just so happy to see that little smile at the corners of his lips.
“Ben. You’re the best marketing tool a girl could have.” From the pocket of her dress she pulled out two other bracelets. She handed the larger one to Aaron and then crouched to put the other around Casey’s little wrist. He gasped like the leather bracelet had magic powers.
This cemented it. Better than Christmas.
Strange, but things had been fun before she arrived. They were special, with the green food coloring and the waffle iron that didn’t get pulled out of the cupboard all that often. The boys were laughing and good times were being had.
But now there was something happening that took all the sharp edges off everyone in this house. It was as if all the tight corners had been pushed back and deep breaths could be taken. It was special, yes, but it was comfortable.
And comfortable hadn’t happened in a long time.
There were a lot of questions he wanted ask her about her plans. About her future. About Los Angeles. And even as he thought about it, he felt the comfortable leaving. The tension coming right back into the corners, that space between his ribs.
Stop, he told himself. Just give yourself a minute.
“Do you want a cup of coffee?” he asked, but what he was saying was Stay, just for a little while. Stay and make this house a home.