I have been with a lot of women and have been broken up with or rejected before, but Stella Brooks’s rejection cut me—in half. I remember watching her walk away, and I wanted so much to stop her. I knew I couldn’t, though.
So instead, I’ve spent the better part of the last eight months stalking her Instagram, acting like I go into her family’s restaurant for the free food, but really it’s just to be near her. Just to be a part of her life, even if it’s from afar. She talks to me, sends me a quick grin, but her words that night were a promise.
A promise that terrifies me.
I’ve never been a jealous man, never had to be. When I want someone, I get them, but that’s not the case with Stella. I’ve watched men flirt with her. Dudes from her college come in and catcall her, and I see red. She was dating a guy, a huge dweeb who only lasted a week, but that week was hell for me. I’m beyond thankful she deleted the posts with him, because I couldn’t stand to see her in someone else’s arms. Don’t get me wrong, she isn’t an angel. I know this. No one can kiss like that and not have been doing it for a while, but I wish she were. I wish she were my angel.
I hit her stories, immediately engulfed in all the photos of her showing off her college, her outfit, and endless selfies with different filters. Each one, I send a heart to. I know that’s ridiculous, but I don’t want her to forget me. I want her to know I’m still here. I’m still watching and still wanting her. Not that it will matter. If I can’t even admit to wanting her in front of Aiden, it won’t make a difference. Plus, Aiden wouldn’t be okay with me just sleeping with his sister. He’s so overprotective of both his sisters. And honestly, I don’t know if a relationship with Stella is something she’d want, or even if I want it. Relationships seem all glamorous and cool, especially if you listen to Boon and Aiden, but I also know they can be messy.
Especially when one half of the relationship has episodes that he can’t really explain. I wouldn’t even know where to begin to explain my issues to her. Stella wouldn’t understand. She grew up in a loving home. Never experienced death or trauma. I’ve met her family; her mom and dad are solid. Aiden is…fuck, he’s picture-perfect. Asher, her second eldest brother, is a genius, and while her baby sister could potentially commit murder, she’s still a decent kid. Then there’s Stella, the walking essence of perfection.
No, she wouldn’t want to get involved with someone like me. I may be a panty-dropper and can make her squirm in ways she never imagined, but once she got wind of my issues, she’d run for the hills.
I need things to level out. I need things to be normal. And I know getting involved with Stella would be anything but that. She is the kind of girl I could fall face first for. I wouldn’t even be able to stop myself. If I knew going in it would be only sex, I’d be good, but she doesn’t want that. She wants more. Hell, she sees the relationships her family has—of course, she’d want more. She deserves more. I know that, and I respect that. Which is why it’s safer to be an Instagram stalker than to actually put myself out there. No matter how bad I want her.
“What kind of diapers are you guys using?”
I groan loudly and get off my stool, grabbing my drink.
Aiden laughs. “What are you doing?”
“I need new friends. You two are killing me.”
Truth is, I just really want to look at Stella’s social media without having to explain to Aiden why I am checking out his sister. He’ll get annoyed, he’ll get pissed, and since it’s hard for me to make friends, even though they’re on my nerves, I’d rather not make them hate me. But that doesn’t stop me from looking at her stuff.
I’m a glutton for punishment.
Chapter Two
Stella
The smell of bacon first thing in the morning is very therapeutic for me. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s from waking up on the days my dad would be home from road trips to a full buffet-style breakfast. It never failed—if he was home, we were eating big, and I loved it. I loved all six of us around the table, I loved the laughter, I loved the teasing and fighting between siblings, but most of all, I loved the little touches my mom and dad would make. Most kids are grossed out by their parents loving each other, but I wasn’t. It made me believe that every queen can find her king. Boy oh boy, did my daddy raise the bar when it comes to men for me. Or maybe it was my mom. She was very insistent that I never settle for anything except a man who loves me completely. All of me, even the weird parts.