I don’t care if I’m signing with my bloody limb. Just give me a stick and pay me.
She’s insane but a good girl. Kind. Wholesome and supportive, and I appreciate her. I miss that support—not that my dad wasn’t supportive before, but through my teenage years, I solely depended on everyone else’s moms to support me. That’s hard when everyone wants their son to be the next Shea Adler or Lucas Brooks. I was a damn good scorer and always shone, and no one wanted me to.
So, I did it just to piss people off.
Not healthy, and I learned that once I was put in court-ordered therapy. But hey, I made it.
Sorta. Kinda? Maybe.
Not sure why I’m thinking of that right now. Probably because I still feel beaten up after my therapy session. My head hurts, not because of my broken nose but totally because Noelle mindfucked me. As always. I really don’t know how I am going to progress without her. I know I need to stay positive, but shit, I’m going to miss her.
I don’t know how we got put on baby duty, but Posey was quick to pass the baby off and leave. Don’t blame her, though. Babies are hard, and a day of shopping with her mom and sister is way easier. When I get shot in the game, I throw down my controller and lean toward Zac, putting his paci back in his mouth. “I’m not feeling it.”
Aiden and Boon are both deep in their games, trying not to die like their fallen comrade. “Want a beer?” Boon asks, and I shake my head.
“No, I don’t like drinking after my therapy. I don’t want to develop a habit, so I usually wait a solid few days before doing that.”
“Yeah, that’s smart, man.”
It is and something a lot of players resort to. Can’t handle feelings? Drink or fuck. It’s the common vice. Not for me, though. I learned all that real early.
“Shelli went to my aunt’s and brought some badass cupcakes here. Want one of those?”
I do love cupcakes. “Nah, I’m not in the cupcake mood.”
“I can order a hooker for tonight,” Aiden supplies next, and I grin as Boon laughs.
“I don’t pay for sex. I’m not ugly like you,” I call to him, and he chuckles loudly. I also don’t like fucking when I feel like this. I feel like I get crazed for the release and the control. Just with how I started the fight, I do that with sex when I feel a sense of control being taken from me or I’m overwhelmed. While therapy is a mindfuck, it has helped me. I know my triggers. I know who I am, and it is very hard to like myself. “I just need to process. I hate that Noelle is leaving.”
“I know, dude. That fucking blows,” Boon says, throwing his controller to the carpet when he loses. “Fuckers.”
I nod at our shared dismay of losing. Aiden is still in the game, as always. “I’m just over everything. You guys see SportsCenter this morning? Peca is out for the season.”
They both are sullen at that. “Yeah, I saw. Stella is taking him cupcakes.”
Oh, hearing her name brings tingles to my skin.
Yeah.
Just those four letters have my heart beating out of my chest. I act very unaffected by his sister’s name, and I set him with a look. “Hey, your season is over, but here are some cupcakes,” I tease, and he nods.
“Hey, cupcakes can fix anything. Especially my aunt’s cupcakes,” Aiden says, almost like a promise. “When I was a kid, I lived with her and my mom until my dad came into our lives. But anytime I was sad or really happy, Audrey would make cupcakes.”
“I mean, if there is a magic cupcake to help when you’re losing your therapist, shit, sign me up. Good thing my doctor figured out I’m not actually allergic to gluten.”
He winks back at me. “I’ll ask. But really, it was how she coped. She didn’t have it easy with guys before my uncle Tate.”
“How did it feel to be surrounded by greatness growing up?” Boon asks, and Aiden grins.
“Fantastic but then super fucking overwhelming. I had to live up to them or I was a failure.”
Boon nods then. “Ah, Posey told me that once, since Shelli’s so incredible.”
“Yeah, Posey gets it. Not that I agree, ya know,” Aiden says quickly, looking to Boon. “I think Posey is awesome.”
Boon laughs. “I know, dude. Relax.”
Aiden flashes him a grin before looking back at the TV to continue his game. When Zac starts to fuss, Boon moves to get him, but I’m closer. I slowly lift the sack of potatoes in my arms, leaning him on my chest and patting his butt. Boon seems impressed. “I thought you didn’t have siblings?”
“I don’t,” I say with a grin. “But one of the houses I was placed in growing up was a designated foster home, and there were babies galore since a lot of people were on crack and got their kids taken away.”