I downed half the fourth glass and stared at my cell phone.
“Stop looking at me, or I’ll spray you, too.”
That last comment, for some ridiculous reason, made me laugh maniacally. I felt a little insane standing in the middle of my apartment bent over in hysterics, but when I was done, my anger had dissipated. Apparently, I needed a good laugh…or a fourth vodka.
No longer angry, I swiped my phone from the counter and headed to the living room with the rest of my drink in hand. I kicked my feet up and alternated between lolling my head back and staring up at the ceiling and sipping my vodka tonic, lost in thought.
That fucking kiss. As corny as it sounded, I was a kiss guy. It didn’t happen very often, but when you slipped your tongue into a woman’s mouth and her taste consumed you—it was better than most sex. Yes, it’s true. I’m a dude, and I think a kiss can be better than getting the rest of my rocks off. The thing is, I’m a thirty-year-old guy. Let’s face it, my hand gets my rocks off. A hole in the wall would work in a pinch. And not to be a conceited dick, but I’m pretty lucky with the ladies when I want to be. So sex in itself—coming in a pussy, mouth, hand, or wherever it may be—it’s great, but it’s generally pretty ordinary. But a kiss with a woman who’s under your skin? There’s nothing ordinary about that. That shit is unforgettable.
Finishing off my drink, I decided I needed to know if I was the only one who felt that way. So I set my empty glass on the coffee table and called up my contacts. Autumn was first. I didn’t even need to waste time scrolling.
She answered on the second ring. “Hey.”
At risk of sounding like a bigger pussy than the kiss comment probably already made me, her voice sent a shot of warmth through my veins.
“Do you think a kiss can be better than sex?”
“If you’d asked me that a year ago, I probably would have said no.”
I let my head fall back against the back of the couch again, enjoying the moment. “And now?”
“Now I think a kiss can feel like oxygen when I’m unable to breathe.”
I smiled. “Are you alone?”
“I am.”
“Where’s The Dick?”
“He dropped me off at my apartment.”
“Is that what he wanted?”
She sighed. “It’s what I wanted.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I’m not in the habit of sticking my tongue down the throat of two men in one day.”
We were both quiet for a while. Eventually, I said, “That was some damn kiss.” When she didn’t respond, I prodded, “Wasn’t it?”
“Yes, but it was also wrong.”
“It didn’t feel wrong to me.”
“I was there with another man, Donovan.”
“Who you have an open relationship with and don’t even like very much.”
“Who said I don’t like Blake very much?”
“I just did. Can you really tell me you’re into him?”
She was quiet again for a while. When she spoke, her voice was soft. “It’s not that I don’t like him. He’s very nice, and he’s intelligent. We have good conversation.”
I snorted. “I had a good chat with my plants earlier. Doesn’t mean I want to suck their face.”
“Donovan…”
I shook my head. “Autumn.”
“I’m sorry about today. I’m giving you mixed signals. The kiss shouldn’t have happened.”
“Like fuck it shouldn’t have.”
“I like you, Donovan. I really do.”
“And I like you, too. A hell of a lot. So much so that I can’t think straight lately. You’re all I damn think about. So what’s the problem?”
“I told you. I don’t want a relationship.”
“But you’re in one with Dickson…”
“It’s a different kind of relationship.”
“Well, I’ll take what I can get. Whatever the deal you have going with Dickson is, I’ll take it.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“Why isn’t it?”
“Because…”
Down deep I knew the answer, even though I didn’t understand it at all. “Because you have feelings for me, and you don’t for him.”
“I know that sounds ridiculous. But yeah.”
“Would it help if I was an asshole to you? Maybe we could plan on going out and I wouldn’t show up.”
She chuckled softly. “You’re a good guy, Donovan.”
I could tell this conversation was coming to an end. So I pushed one more time. “Tell me why you won’t go out with a guy you like. At least give me that so I can accept it and move on.”
“I just…I want to stay focused on my job and finishing school.”
I knew that was bullshit, but short of being an asshole, I had nowhere to go from here. This time it was me who let out the big sigh. Neither of us said anything for a solid five minutes after that. But I heard her breathing and wasn’t about to hang up. In negotiations, the first one to break a standoff almost always loses.