When Stars Come Out (When Stars Come Out 1)

Damn, that sucks.

“Hey.” Her voice is softer than usual, clouded with a throat full of tears. She pauses a moment, studying me with red-rimmed, watery eyes. She doesn’t ask if I’m okay, thank Charon. I know it’s because she feels like I feel—disoriented, numb, shocked. I hate that it’s the only thing we’ve been able to agree on for the last four months.

“Come over this evening. We can sit outside by the fire at my house. We don’t have to talk, but I...want us all together tonight.”

We used to go to Natalie’s all the time, hang out by the fire, make s’mores, joke about Shadow Knights who took their jobs too seriously. That was before Natalie became one of them. Still, there’s a tribe mentality among Valryn: when something happens to one of us, it happens to all. I don’t think any of us are convinced Lily hanged herself, and the unknown is already eating at the back of our minds like a parasite.

I start my car and Natalie takes a step back. “Yeah,” I say at last. “I’ll be there.”

Her smile is genuine but sad, and it hits me square in the chest. I peel out of the parking lot and race home. After I arrive, it occurs to me that I don’t remember how I got here.

My head swims with images of Lily in life and death: Lily laughing loud, turning heads, her joy contagious. Lily, hanging over Emerson Hall, head nearly severed, resting on her shoulder. Lily standing up in the passenger side of my Jeep as we roll down the road, singing at the top of her lungs in an off-key rendition of whatever’s on the radio. Lily’s body twirling to the left and right, like the rope is unwinding. Lily, haloed by wings as she fights me in training. The dance she does when she lands a hit. Lily, lifeless, arms resting at her sides, palms slightly open, scratched like Anora’s were scratched. Lily sitting beside me in my room, playing video games, her laugh echoes through me as she wins. I can’t even be mad at her—not with that smile. Lily’s blood dripping off her fingertips, staining the concrete at my feet.

My stomach reacts violently, twisting and turning until acid climbs up the back of my throat, and I stumble out of my Jeep to vomit on the gravel. I rest there a moment, hands on my knees, eyes burning. I push the gravel around with my feet to hide the evidence, but the smell is rancid and teases my stomach again. I wipe my mouth with my sleeve and push my hair out of my eyes before heading inside, surprised Mom hasn’t noticed my arrival.

Pausing inside the door, I understand why—she’s on the phone and her voice is raised.

“He just lost his best friend—”

She pauses and takes a deep, shaky breath.

“I don't care what Cain wants. He's my son!”

She's talking to Dad. I've never heard her raise her voice like this, and I'm both surprised and impressed. Of course, he's only calling because I haven't arrived at the Compound yet. I wonder absently if he started the conversation asking how I was?

Probably not, judging by how angry Mom sounds.

“You know, Bastian, I don't think that really means anything to him anymore.”

She's silent after that and inhales. I decide it's time to make my entrance. Normally I'd call out to her at the doorway, to let her know I'm home, but I don't feel like speaking or even attempting to make my mouth work. If I do, I'll probably become a puddle of mush and I can't afford that right now, because as much as I'd like to tell my father off, I want to go to the Compound because I need to know what they think happened to Lily.

Mom meets me halfway and hugs me tight. I take a deep, quavering breath. She smells like lavender and wildflowers. It's uniquely Mom. Something I can count on for comfort.

I pull away when I'm afraid I won't be able to keep the burn in my eyes from producing real tears.

I clear my throat. “I gotta go.”

She nods, and I know she's holding back. She doesn't know I overheard the way she spoke to Dad. Now I wonder if this is what's been going on behind my back—if she's been as vocal about his absence as I have, if she thinks she's just protecting me by pretending it isn't happening.

I used to think nothing was above the Order, but if it came down to them or my mom, I'd choose her, over and over again, even if it means death.

I press a kiss to her cheek, reassurance that I'll be okay, and leave.

When I arrive at the Compound, I’m directed to the Council Chamber. This isn’t normally where I would meet Cain or my father, and when I enter, I understand why. There are several holograms crowding the table, members of the Order who couldn’t get to Rayon in the few hours after Lily’s death. Mixed with these ghostly images are flesh-and-blood Valryn: Elite Val, Elite Abrams, Elite Ezekiel, and Elite Cain.

My father looms behind Cain, eyes ice blue, cold and critical. I’ll credit the added severity of his gaze to the conversation he had with Mom before I left.

“Shadow Knight Savior,” Elite Cain says. “It is good you decided to join us. We were just discussing the death of Shadow Knight Lily Martin.”

My insides revolt immediately. I’m not ready for this, I realize. Swallowing the sour taste in my mouth, I manage, “How can I be of service?”

The question makes my palms sweat and I draw my hands behind my back to wipe them on my sleeves. Elite Cain offers that barely-there smirk—his sign of approval. Today it makes me want to cut out my own heart and hand it to him.

“I have been informed you were witness to the scene?”

My breath catches. The sound is audible. I hurry to speak. “Yes, after the...incident,” I clarify. I have an overwhelming urge to call it murder.

“And what are your observations?”