Next to Never (Fall Away #4.5)

Climbing into my car, barely even blinking at the smudges of grease on my jeans and fitted gray T-shirt, I tightened my messy bun and slipped on my sunglasses, deciding to head to Miller’s first.

Jared usually handled any repairs on my car, so he was in here a lot. Me, not since he was small.

“Kat!” Deena beamed, holding out her arms as I walked into the store. “Damn, girl. Where’ve you been?”

I smiled, stretching over the counter to give her a hug. She’d worked here since her youngest started school, and I knew her boys loved it. They mooched off her discount. I knew Jared raced out at the Loop, but I wasn’t sure if he’d ever run into her son, Nate. They were the same age.

“Hanging in there,” I told her. I didn’t care to mention my stint in rehab, but she probably already knew. We’d fallen out of touch in the past couple of years, but it wasn’t a big town, and news traveled quickly.

“Jared is repairing James Brandt’s Chevy Nova,” I explained. “Do you have bulbs for the dash lights?”

“That’s a ’71, right?” she asked, probably remembering from all the trips James and Jared had made here already this fall. “You can take a look. If we don’t have them, I can order them.”

“Thanks.”

Walking down the aisles, I scanned the parts and finally found the bulbs I thought they would need. If I was wrong, they were cheap, so no big deal. Seeing the bulbs for the dome light, I grabbed that as well, just in case.

“I can’t it make it look like new,” I heard a male voice whine. “Not like they do at the repair shop.”

I smiled, recognizing Madoc’s voice pretty well by now.

He was over at our place frequently, and I’d thought it would be hard to be around him, but he was so unlike his father. So cheerful and happy, always making jokes. Plus, he was Jared’s only real friend, and I couldn’t take that away from him.

Stepping around the corner, I saw him standing at a selection of spray paints, buffers, and other tools. Jase stood with him, both of them dressed casually, since it was Saturday. My heart picked up pace, but I simply took a deep breath and forced myself to relax again.

“I’m not paying for repairs every time you dent up your car at the Loop,” Jase barked. “You can learn how to fix your own dents, damn it. If I knew you were going to be racing with this thing, I would’ve bought you a piece-of-crap Honda.”

“Ugh.” Madoc frowned. “I love you so much more when you just give me your credit card.”

“Yeah,” Jase mused. “Like I’ve never heard that from either of my wives.”

Madoc snorted, breaking out in a laugh, and Jase smiled in turn, sharing the joke with him.

“I’m sorry,” he rushed to add. “I love your mother. You know that.”

Madoc shook his head. “I’m going to go check out tires.”

“You just got new tires.”

“I’m just looking,” Madoc assured, disappearing around the corner.

I stared at Jase’s back as he watched Madoc go, my heart still thundering but my breathing remained calm.

I knew I should turn around and walk away, but a larger part of me knew I could do this. I had to do this. Running, hiding, avoiding anything difficult . . . that was my past. Jase was only as dangerous as I let him be.

He’d made good on my request all those years ago. Other than the phone call after we’d picked up Jared and Madoc at school freshman year, he’d left me alone. He wasn’t a threat, and I wasn’t going to make him one. Our sons were friends, and I wasn’t going to let our past interfere with that. It was high time Jared stopped paying for my mistakes.

We could be civil and move past this.

“Hello,” I spoke up.

He twisted his head toward me, standing still as I approached with the two small packages in my hand.

“Hey.” His eyes fell down my clothes, and I suddenly remembered that I was absolutely filthy. Awesome. Every woman’s fantasy to see your ex with flyaways spilling out of your bun, grease stains on your hands and clothes and probably streaked across your face, too.

“Yeah, I know.” I laughed at myself. “I’m a mess.”

He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

I noticed the spray can and a couple of other bottles tucked in his arm, and I gestured to them. “Looks like your boy’s costing you about as much as mine is costing me.”

“Yeah.” He nodded absently, looking like he barely heard me. “I . . . I heard Jared’s helping repair James’s car.”

“Something to keep him busy,” I explained, knowing that Jase probably knew about Jared’s arrest from Madoc. “He’s staying out of trouble now. I’m not sure he’s okay, but he’s better.” And then I looked away, feeling guilty again. “I did a lot wrong with him.”

“Yeah, well,” he replied, looking somber. “Madoc hasn’t been a piece of cake, either. He keeps a lot buried and just puts on a good show.”

Yeah, I wouldn’t know about that. I always knew when Jared was ready to lose it. But I could imagine it was just as frustrating to try to communicate with a child who lied to you about what they were feeling, too.

“You’re doing well?” he asked, moving closer.

His scent drifted over me, and I held my breath, afraid of the attraction for a moment.