“That sounds great,” Mildred said. “Thank for thinking of me. It means a lot.”
“Of course,” Wyatt said. “Tell you what. I'll take your bags up to your room, if you want to run down and greet Maggie. I won't keep you any longer.”
“You don't need to lug my bags up those stairs,” she said. “That's a really nice gesture, though.”
“It's no problem at all.” Wyatt lifted the duffel bag onto his shoulder and grabbed the other two suitcases. It was a lot of weight he was now carrying. “I'll come down in a little while. I might try to catch a nap now that you're here and can take care of Maggie, though. I didn't get much sleep last night.”
“Very good,” Mildred said. “I've got Maggie, so you go and rest. We'll see you when we see you.”
“Thanks, Mildred.” Wyatt turned and headed upstairs. By the time he got to the top floor, his legs were burning.
Looks like I won't need a workout today, thanks to Mildred and her hundred pound suitcases, he thought, making his way down the hallway toward her room. When he got there, he pushed open the door with his butt and set everything down in the center of the floor. Then he headed back to his bedroom, which was on the opposite end of the hallway.
He took a seat on the edge of his bed and let out a long sigh. Now it had been officially twenty minutes since Lily had left and the emptiness in his heart seemed even bigger than before. Even though Mildred was home, it was still very different in the house.
Wyatt glanced toward his dresser, focusing his eyes onto the picture of his family at the beach.
Everything's different, though, he thought. It seems as though today is never even close to the same as yesterday. The only exception, was when Lily was here. This whole past week felt like a vacation from my emotions.
He hadn't really thought about it until right then, but he realized that for the entire ten days that Lily was in his home, his heart hadn't ached. He had definitely thought about Caroline, but for whatever reason, the knot in his stomach had disappeared. He knew that it had something to do with Lily. It was only logical.
She's my medicine, he thought. Lily is a damn miracle. I've spent countless hours at the therapist and nothing has made me feel even close to as good as I did while Lily was living under my roof. What is it about her? How is she able to put my heart at ease?
Wyatt laid back onto his bed, keeping his legs dangling over the edge. He stared up at the ceiling and thought about his life. He thought about everything. He remembered the events that led up to meeting Caroline. The way she smiled at him that first time they met was enough for him to fall in love in just one second.
I'll never forget that smile, he thought.
Then his memory moved forward. Images of their wedding and how happy she was. He thought about their honeymoon in Costa Rica. It was like the perfect dream. Three weeks spent on the beach. Both of them had hoped it would never end and that they could just live there forever.
Forever of course never came and they ended up going home. Both of them wanted kids, which was where Lily eventually came into the picture.
Caroline sure did love Lily, he thought. She thought Lily was the greatest and sweetest girl to ever walk the planet. She was right, too. I'm starting to see it now. It's clear as day. Lily is one of the best things to ever happen to Maggie and me.
Right then, it occurred to Wyatt that maybe his attraction to Lily wasn't the worst thing in the world. If there was any woman that Caroline would have approved of, it would have definitely been Lily. That was one thing he could be certain of.
“What would you say right now?” Wyatt lifted his head and gazed toward the picture of Caroline on the dresser. “What would you have me do, Caroline?”
His mind whirled with thoughts of Caroline and Lily. His heart belonged to Caroline and he knew that. Even so, he suddenly realized that maybe there was a tiny sliver left that could belong to someone else. A small piece of his broken heart that could be passed to another woman, giving her the chance to revive it with her love.
It's not like I'll ever meet any other girl who I could even consider an option, he thought. No matter what woman I meet, I'll always wonder what Caroline would think of her. Lily is the exception, though. Caroline knew Lily better than anybody. Not only that, she loved her like a sister or a best friend.
“Maybe it's not so wrong after all,” he whispered, as he sat up in the bed. “Maybe I'm not crazy to have feelings for Lily.”
Suddenly, he felt as though a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. For the first time in the past week and a half, he didn't feel guilty for being attracted to Lily. It was as though he had been liberated from the guilt, now free to express himself. It was a strange sensation and one that he had to assume Caroline had something to do with somehow.
Is this her way of telling me that it's okay to go for Lily? He asked himself. Did Caroline take the guilt away, or have I just talked myself out of it?
He stood up from the bed and walked toward the picture. He lifted it from the dresser and gazed at it for a moment. He felt like he was at a crossroad. On one side, was a road that led to the past. It was filled with love for Caroline and the pain of losing her. On the other side, was the road to the future. It was empty, but filled with endless possibilities. For the first time since Caroline had passed away, he knew which road he had to take. He knew that he couldn't spend the rest of his days living in a past that didn't exist any more. He knew that Caroline wouldn't want him to do that.
I've got to move forward, he thought, his eyes focused on his wife's smiling face. I've got to face my life head on, before it passes me by. I'll always love you, though, Caroline. You'll always have a place in my heart. Please know that. You're mine and I'm yours, but I need to remember what it feels like not to hurt any more.
Tears streamed down his face. He set the picture back in its place and then walked to the bathroom. He grabbed a tissue and wiped his cheeks, then began to sob. It wasn't a cry of pain, though. Not this time. Not like usual. His cry was one of relief, as though he'd been carrying the entire world on his back and suddenly didn't have to manage the burden any longer. The tears fell for a good five minutes and when he finally faced the mirror, he saw in his own eyes something he hadn't seen in a long, long time.
Hope.
Chapter 23
Wyatt