But when dizziness consumes me, that heat stifles.
I stumble to my feet, but my head pulsates, and I collapse back to the floor. Blood roars in my eardrums as darkness swarms my vision. It feels like I'm about to be swallowed up by something.
Part of me wishes it would happen.
And then I feel it. That cold sensation I feel whenever I zone out.
Not right now, please, I beg my mind. If I black out, I won’t know what he does to me. Then again, I hate thinking about what he’s done to me, how he’s hurt me, tied me up with that stupid belt and touched me. I have scars on my wrist from that belt. And scars in my mind from what he’s done to me.
I hate this.
I hate that I’m too weak to fight him off.
Hate that out of everyone I’ve ever crossed paths with, he’s the one who decided he wasn’t afraid to be near me.
I hate this.
Hate this life.
Hate how weak I am.
For collapsing moment, I feel like just giving up.
“Just give up, Haven,” he whispers in my ear. “Stop fighting.”
No!
That fire blazes through me again, potent and toxic. Powerful.
Sucking in a breath, I push to my feet.
I won’t give up.
I won’t!
But he places his foot onto my back, pinning me down against the floor.
“Get off me,” I growl out, tears burning my eyes like the heat searing inside my body.
Why am I so hot?
He pushes down on me harder, and I feel him lean over me.
“You always smell so good,” he whispers, sniffing my hair again. “Like fear and weakness. Two of my favorite things.” He takes one more breath then roughly grabs my wrists and pins them behind my back.
I open my mouth to scream, even though I know it won't do any good. I've screamed before and Tina never comes, so she's well aware of what her husband does to me, and she just chooses to ignore it.
But I refuse to go down without a fight, so I scream until I become hoarse, until I’m crying, until Tim has me tied up, until his hands are touching me.
I hate him.
I wish I could hurt him.
I wish I could make him pay.
I want to make him burn.
I want to let the darkness swallow him whole.