Sandman Slim (Sandman Slim 1)

"This isn't good, Jimmy."

"Please don't call me that. I don't have that name anymore."

"So, you are still afraid of them. Afraid they can find you through your name?"

"Not if no one uses it."

"Your name is who you are. It's your family. It connects you to this world. You can't give it away so easily." He took a long gulp of wine and said, "Wild Bill."

"Especially, don't call me that."

Vidocq is one of the few people who know that my full name is James Butler Hickok Stark. That's Wild Bill Hickok's name, except for the Stark. I learned to shoot and appreciate guns young because we're supposed to be direct descendants of Wild Bill, the greatest shootist of the American West. "Stark" was tacked on sometime after those prairie towns became cities to keep idiots from showing up at the door wanting to touch great-great-granddad's legend. Or worse. There were more than a few fights and even some gunplay. The funny thing is no one knows for sure if we really are connected to Wild Bill. Supposedly, he left a few little bastards behind in Kansas and Missouri, so it's possible. But it might just be a tall tale. My family never let facts get in the way of a good story.

"Wild Bill is dead. I'm just Stark."

"That is your family, your identity. You can't just walk away from your name."

"I can and I have. I'm looking for Mason. He gave me to the Hellions for power and now I'm here to pay him back. Do you know where he is?"

"No one sees Monsieur Faim anymore. Like God, he is a great mystery. What will you do if you find him?"

"Kill him."

"And then what?" Vidocq sets down his glass and steeples his fingers. "What you want may not be possible. Mason is a very powerful man these days. Very well protected."

"I've gotten through to plenty of well-protected Hellions. And I learned a few things along the way. Want to know what the first lesson was?"

"Tell me, please."

I pick up a little vial of mercury sitting on the coffee table and shake it, watching the light glint of its silver surface.

"Up here in the City of Angels USA, magicians worry about good and evil. White magic versus black."

"All magicians think about those differences."

"Not Downtown they don't. Hellions understand something we don't. That there is no white magic. There is no black magic. There's just magic. You can kill with a healing spell as easily as with a curse. If you were having a heart attack right now, I could do a spell to slow your heart and keep it from beating out of your chest. I could regulate your blood pressure, bring it up or down. But I can use those same spells if you aren't having a heart attack. I can turn down your blood pressure until you pass out. Slow and stop your heart. And you'd be just as dead as if I'd hexed you."

"This isn't Hell, boy. People will know. There are rules up here."

"Not for me. I don't even know if they can read my magic up here. If it will even disturb the aether."

Vidocq picks up, and then sets down his wineglass with a thud. Loudly, he says, "Then why don't you use it? Go on and do a location charm for Mason right now."

I set down the mercury and look around the unfamiliar familiar room. "I can't. I don't know what will happen. The magic might not show up at all, or it might go off like fireworks at the Super Bowl. I can't take a chance on anyone knowing I'm back."

Vidocq smiles and wags his finger at me. "So, for all your power you have no power at all. That's a little funny, don't you think?"

"I have guns."

"Yes, you'll conquer the whole Sub Rosa with guns. More Roy Rogers bullshit."

I think about that for a minute. "There are things I used in the arena. I'm going to have to get some weapons made. I need to find someone who can work with metal."

"You must let me help you," says Vidocq intently. "Let me help keep this plan of yours from going too far. I know that you've come back to Le Merdier, this world of shit, but where else is there for you to go? You must live here. You must have a name. You must be a man again."

What's that old Sunday school warning about how if you fight dragons too long, you can become one? That's been spinning around in my head for years, long enough that I know I'd rather be a dragon than a sheep to the slaughter. Maybe, in some kinder, gentler version of the world, I could walk away from the Circle, get Zen, and forgive them for what they did to me. But I can't forgive them for Alice. Never for that. Maybe I'm not worth killing for, but she is.

"I should go. I have to meet someone," I lie. I set the guns back in the oilcloth and wrap them up. I'm feeling a little ashamed of myself, like I'm letting down the old man. Without looking at him, I ask, "Want to meet up tomorrow?"