Sandman Slim (Sandman Slim 1)

A skinny Hellion adolescent in a uniform I've never see before gets as close to the door as he can.

"You killed my master, Abaddon. I'll get to your world somehow someday, and I'll avenge him."

"Why don't you come out here and tell me all about it, sweetheart? Oh, wait. You can't come out here, can you? Magic is such a tease. When you figure out how to get yourself on the other side of this door, be sure to look me up. Until then, stay in school. Say your prayers. And just before you fall asleep tonight, pucker up and kiss my ass."

I pull the Door of Fire closed. I know I probably ought to be worried, but I can't get worked up about one more Hellion who hates my guts.

I step out of the room and into Vidocq's apartment. Allegra is on her knees, sorting broken potion bottles from ones she can salvage. Vidocq is in the kitchen making coffee. They both look at me.

"If I just did to the Kissi what I think I did, I might have just saved the world twice in one night."

"And Mason?" asks Vidocq.

"Last I saw, he was being torn limb from claw by a bunch of highly motivated Hellions."

"How are you?" asks Allegra.

"My chest hurts, but I'll be great as soon as I get a cigarette, a drink, and a lobotomy."

A FEW DAYS later.

It's sunny out, a tourist postcard L.A. afternoon at Donut Universe. I'm still not great at paying attention to dates, but I know it's a Sunday. A perfect day for a date with an angel.

I push the tissue paper at her.

"Have an apple fritter. A friend told me this place has the best in town."

"Thank you."

Aelita looks at the fritter like I just passed her a dog turd.

"The food's better at the Bamboo House of Dolls, but you didn't want to meet there."

"I don't drink."

"We didn't have to drink.".

"I don't like the smell of liquor."

"What about all the wine in the Church's holy magic shows?"

"Wine isn't liquor. It's the blood of our Lord."

I take a sip of coffee. It's hot and good, but good coffee in restaurants kind of depresses me. I always wonder why it doesn't come in a cigarette flavor for places where you can't smoke.

"The state of California disagrees, otherwise teenyboppers would ask me to buy stuff for them at twenty-four-hour blood stores."

"This is exactly the kind of talk I'd expect from you."

"An Abomination?"

"Yes."

"I'll get you a thesaurus next Christmas. You need to expand your vocabulary."

"Some things are beyond redemption."

"I thought anyone could get through the Pearly Gates if they repented."