I stop by Donut Universe on the way home and get coffee and a bag of glazed old-fashioneds. Waiting for my change, I remember New Year’s Eve and kissing Candy in the middle of the bodies, blood, and the smell of cordite the night we took down Avila and wonder why I seem attracted only to women who enjoy carnage.
I’M SITTING IN bed with Alice. She’s smoking and flipping through a magazine.
“Something happened last night. There was this woman I met.”
“I know. I’m dead. I’m not blind, dear.”
“That’s the thing. You’re dead, but I still feel guilty. Like I was cheating on you.”
“You’re such an idiot. That’s why I love you. It’s been eleven years since we last touched each other and I didn’t exactly die a virgin queen. I mean, I waited for you and hoped, but after a while it got clear that you weren’t coming back. A girl can’t rely on her Hitachi Magic Wand forever.”
“You always cheated on me with technology.”
“Technology is more reliable than boys or girls.”
“You’re okay with what happened?”
“You’re alive and I’m dead. Of course I’m okay.”
“Thanks. It feels like I’m coming off a six-month bender. Things aren’t straight in my head yet.”
“You are coming off a bender. Want me to tell you the secret of life?” she asks.
“Please, no.”
“Everyone in the world is a Charlie. The trick is to figure out which Charlie you’re going to be. Charlie Manson. Charlie Starkweather. Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”
“Charlie Chaplin.”
“Charlie Parker.”
“Charly.”
“Who’s that?” she asks.
“The retard from Flowers for Algernon.”
“‘Retard’ is not a nice word.”
“How would you know, retard?”
“Whatever you say, Charlie Brown.”
“I am not Charlie Brown.”
“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, Chuck.”
“Did I ever tell you I thought I saw an angel when I was a kid?”
“What happened?”
“I’d left my bike on the lawn again and the old man yelled at me to move it. I went outside and there was a woman staring at me from across the street. Really intensely. She had dark skin and bright green eyes. For a second I thought that I’d died in my sleep and she was there to take me to Heaven, but she just shook her head, turned, and walked away.”
“Why did she do that?”
“I think she knew what I was and was there to tell me that no matter what I do, Heaven isn’t interested.”
Alice shakes her head.