“Not friends really. We’re more like professional assholes who play golf occasionally and get drunk at the clubhouse before talking business.”
Neshamah smiles and addresses Alice.
“Actually, there is no Lucifer at the moment. The old one is retired. Your friend James here is up to replace him. As is Mason.”
Alice gives me that I-don’t-know-who-you-are look again. Wraps her arms around herself.
“Is that really why you’re back? You’re finally going to whip them out and see whose is bigger?”
I look at Neshamah.
“The Gnostics were right about you after all, you evil motherfucker.”
I turn to Alice.
“I came back here because I love you. But I’m also here to kill Mason because he needs killing. He’s not going to be Lucifer or this sack of shit,” I say, nodding at Neshamah.
“What does that mean?”
“I have to go. Let Rain Man here explain it to you.”
Alice stares at Neshamah.
“Do I know you from somewhere?”
“You might have run into one of my brothers.”
“Do you think you could possibly not be a prick long enough for me to go and finish this?” I ask.
“Are you running off to Pandemonium alone? That’s magnificently stupid.”
“I’m going to Houdini someone out of Tartarus, but I don’t even know where it is. Do you have a map of the stars’ homes or something I could borrow?”
Neshamah scratches his chin.
“I have to hand it to you, kid. You’re a pain in my ass but you’re not boring. Tartarus is in the Badlands.”
Alice reaches for my arm but her hand goes through me.
“Wait. We finally see each other again and you’re dumping me here with a stranger?”
“I know this stinks. But trust me, getting you out of the asylum wasn’t rescuing you. What I’m about to do is.”
She turns to Neshamah.
“Who are you? You’re part of this, aren’t you?”
“He can explain it to you after I go.”
Neshamah pats Alice’s shoulder.
“And indeed I will.”
“So how do I get to the Badlands?”
“Are you sure you want to do this? Once you’re in Tartarus, there’s nothing I can do for you. It’s not my domain. It belongs to my brother Ruach. And if you think I’m a bastard, you should meet him sometime.”
“If he’s around, I’ll give him a peck on the cheek for you. How do I get there?”