Jed Had to Die

Deputy Lloyd: Good, good. That’s good.

Emma Jo Jackson: Uh, and you? How’s everything with you?

Deputy Lloyd: Oh, you know, the usual. Keeping Bald Knob safe and all that.

*3 minutes of silence*

Emma Jo Jackson: Did you…I mean, I thought you had some questions for me or something.

Deputy Lloyd: Oh, ha ha yes! Yes, some questions. That’s right. I need to ask you some questions.

*Papers rustling, muffled cursing, chair legs scraping across floor, more muffled cursing*

Emma Jo Jackson: Do you need me to help you pick that up?

Deputy Lloyd: NOPE! I got it, it’s fine. Just give me a second.

*Papers rustling, muffled cursing*

Okay, where were we? Questions… let’s see…

*Papers rustling, muffled cursing*

Emma Jo Jackson: Do you need a few minutes? I can go get something to eat and come back if you want.

Deputy Lloyd: No, no, you’re fine, it’s fine, I’m fine. Everything is fine! Let’s just start with an easy question. Do you know anyone who would have wanted to kill your husband?

Emma Jo Jackson: That’s your easy question? I can’t wait for the hard ones…

Deputy Lloyd: I’m sorry! Shit! I mean shoot, not shit. Dammit. SHIT! You know what, maybe we should take a break. This isn’t starting off very well.

Emma Jo Jackson: Um, okay, sounds good. So, you’ll just call me then?

Deputy Lloyd: Call you? Like, on the phone? You want me to call you?

Emma Jo Jackson: To tell me when you’re ready to get back to the questions. You know, give me a call when you’re ready to do that since we’re taking a break.

Deputy Lloyd: Oh, ha ha, yeah! Call you about this interview and the questions I need to ask and the… interview. Yep. Sure, no problem. So, I’ll just call you about… that.

Emma Jo Jackson: Okay, well, I’ll talk to you soon.

Deputy Lloyd: Yes, on the phone. Where I’ll call you to talk about the interview. Excellent.

*Chair scraping, door opens and closes*

Deputy Lloyd: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

CHAPTER 15

Coffee: You can sleep when you’re dead.

—Coffee Mug

Leo Hudon’s tongue is in my mouth.

I repeat, LEO HUDSON’S TONGUE IS IN MY MOUTH!

Sweet mother of God this man can kiss. Just the right amount of pressure from his lips, just the right speed of his tongue swirling around mine and the nibbling of my bottom lip, and how his hand moved from my cheek to slide around to the back of my neck, clutching a handful of my hair in his fist…

A moan floats from up from my throat and he angles his head to the other side, deepening the kiss until I want nothing more than to hop up into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist. As it is, I’m already fisting handfuls of his shirt up by his chest and if this kiss lasts any longer, I might just rip the thing right from his body.

Leo’s hand at the small of my back that holds me firmly against him suddenly starts moving south and before I know it, his hand is on my ass, pulling me right up against the hardest erection I’ve ever felt.

LEO HUDSON’S HAND IS ON MY ASS.

I CAN FEEL LEO HUDSON’S PENIS.

My brain starts malfunctioning and instead of thinking about how this is the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life, I start hearing his teenage snort in my head and his squeaky puberty voice explaining to me how the Pythagorean Theorem works in between fun facts about a goat’s scrotum. It happens before I can stop it.

I laugh.

Right into Leo’s mouth.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I apologize in between giggles when he pulls his head back and looks down at me with one eyebrow raised questioningly at me.

“Not to brag or anything, but I’ve never had a woman laugh when I was kissing her before,” he deadpans, giving my ass a little squeeze.

I giggle again, removing my clutching hold of his shirt with one hand to clamp it over my mouth.

“Mer muffing my muff,” I mumble from behind my hand while my shoulders shake with even more laughter when I hear my own voice and how the words came out.

Leo lets go of the hold he has on my hair, brings his hand around between us, and removes my hand from my mouth.

“Try that again. In English,” he requests, still looking down at my face in confusion and probably a little regret that his twelve-year fantasy isn’t really living up to his expectations.

“I said, you’re touching my butt,” I repeat, a weird choking sound coming from my mouth when I try to stifle another laugh.

“Yes, you have a very nice butt. Is there a problem?”

I shake my head back and forth, but I’m still smiling like a loon and trying not to laugh out loud. This went from hotter-than-standing-in-the-middle-of-a-forest-fire to wondering if I’m on an episode of Candid Camera and someone is going to jump out from behind me and shout, “How does it feel to be kissing Leo Hudson, the nerdy guy in high school who knew just how far you could stick your arm up a cow’s ass before it would become uncomfortable for them?!”

When I don’t answer Leo’s question and just continue to shake my head back and forth, trying my best to shake the funny out of my system until it falls out of my brain forever, his eyes suddenly narrow and he shuffles his feet forward, moving me backward as he goes.

He keeps staring down at me with a serious expression on his face and when my back slams into the wall behind me, I forget everything that was funny just two seconds ago. Leo bends his knees and uses his hips to push me up the wall until I have no choice but to wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold on tight. His hand slides from the ass of my pajama shorts and his warm, rough palm glides down the back of my thigh, pulling it up and hitching it over his hip.