The Getaway God (Sandman Slim 6)

A legionnaire by the bar pops off a few shots. Seeing his friends go down so fast must have spooked him because he fires wildly, murdering furniture and the floor. I move in on him as he finally remembers he’s a soldier and raises his gun. He hits me twice in the chest and I go down face-­first.

I’m beginning to think no one in Hell likes me.

I try to sit up and meet a gun barrel halfway there. Mr. Sausage Fingers has his Glock pointed at my head. He squeezes the trigger and there isn’t a goddamned thing I can do about it.

A gun goes off and the first thing I notice is how extremely not dead I am and how Mr. Sausage Fingers has a fist-­size hole in his chest. I look over and there’s Cindil, shaky-­legged, her mouth open like she’s either going to puke or sing “America the Beautiful,” holding my Colt. She shoots again and Mr. Sausage Fingers hits the deck.

Cue all hell breaking loose. The three remaining legionnaires open up on the room, some shooting at me and some at the others. I roll behind Sausage Fingers’ body, find his dropped Glock, and fire back. My hand is unsteady enough that I hit absolutely nothing of interest.

Cindil keeps firing my Colt, even while Bill drags her behind the bar. I don’t know if she hits any of the soldiers, but she looks fierce enough to give them something to worry about.

A moment later Bill pops up from behind the bar with the pistol I gave him earlier. I stop firing and make myself very small. What else am I going to do? I’m good with a gun, but Wild Bill was the greatest shootist in the west, and even if he’s past his prime he’s better than me nursing a ­couple of slugs in my chest.

The shooting doesn’t last long. When it’s over Sausage Fingers has a few more holes in him, but I don’t. The rest of the soldiers lie splayed around the room. Bill comes from around the bar and puts one more bullet in each of their heads. Technically it’s to make sure they’re really out, but there’s also a small measure of payback for the century of misery he’s spent under the heel of Hellions.

I pull myself up and onto a chair.

Cindil comes around in front of me. She opens my coat and makes a face.

“You’re shot.”

“It’s not the first time. And I’ve been hit worse. Let me just sit here a minute.”

She crosses her arms and looks down at me.

“You walk into Hell to find me and you blow it off when you get shot. What exactly are you?”

“Just hard to kill is all.”

When I first went to Max Overdrive after escaping Hell, Kasabian shot me six times. I’m pretty sure I only took two bullets tonight, but they hurt like six banshees with seven machetes. The bullets will have to come out eventually, but not tonight. Tonight I get to rattle around like a pinball machine.

Bill brings me a glass of Hellion rotgut. I take a long pull. Bill pulls up a chair and sits down.

“You can’t stay here and you can’t come back. More soldiers will come looking for their friends.”

“You can’t stay either. You’re both coming with me.”

“Where to?” says Cindil.

“To meet Lucifer. Well, retired Lucifer. He’ll explain it.”

By the time I finish the drink my head feels like it’s back on straight again. I get up and head for a shadow.

“You two coming?”

They follow me over and I lead them through the Room and out again into the hellhound kennel.

Samael is still there, smoking a Malediction and drinking from a silver flask. He raises his eyebrows at us.

“That was quick,” he says. Then eyes my shirt. “But you took the time to hurt yourself again. If only you were this productive when you ran Hell.”

Cindil looks at me.

“You ran Hell?”

“I was more of a summer intern. Samael will explain everything.”

I point to each of them in turn.