Ballistic Kiss (Sandman Slim 11)

“It’s taken some time and a lot of work. I guess you weren’t around for most of it—”

“Because I was dead.”

“Yes. That.”

“Everyone tiptoes around it. I wish people would just say it.”

“Do you? It seems like something that could be very triggering.”

“I’m fine. Really.”

Allegra looks at the empty bottle.

“We’ll leave that for now.”

She goes to a cabinet and refills my bottle with pills. Gets down a second bottle and hands me both.

I look at the new pills. They’re white and tiny. Like something you’d give a sick cat.

“What are these?”

“Lorazepam.”

“Which is . . . ?”

“It’s an antianxiety medication.”

I put my regular pills in my pocket but leave the lorazepam on the exam table.

“No thanks.”

“Stark, stop trying to be such a hard-ass all the time. You need help. These will help.”

I look around the room.

“You know, when Doc Kinski ran this place, he had all kinds of hoodoo meds. Salves and potions, divine light glass . . . Why is it all you ever give me I could get over the counter?”

She gives me a hard look.

“First off, you can’t get any of these pills over the counter. And second, why do I give you these instead of one of Kinski’s wonder drugs? It’s because I think that it’s possible you have enough magic in your life. Maybe you need to forget about Heaven and Hell and monsters and demons for a while and just think about yourself and getting well.”

“And that’s why you give me baby aspirin?”

“You’re an addict, Stark. Something bothers you, you use magic. Something gets in your way, you blow it up or make it vanish. People. Things. Ideas. It’s all the same. You depend on your ‘hoodoo’ for too damn much. So, shut up and let me try to help you.”

Every single molecule in my body wants to leave. Slam the door or jump through a shadow. Get on the Hellion Hog and just go. Never come back. I don’t like these pills. I don’t like this clinic. And I don’t like getting yelled at. Worst of all, I don’t know if she’s right or not. I’m not sure of anything right now. I want to go back to Little Cairo and just start killing things. Yeah, I’m blipping people completely out of existence. But they’re dead, murderous trash, right? Killing ghosts isn’t that bad, is it?

Allegra takes the pills off the exam table and presses them into my hand.

“Please,” she says. “Just try them. You start feeling too down or like you’re going to lose control, take one. I promise they won’t hurt you or make you into a Care Bear. You’ll still be Stark. A pain in everyone’s ass. By the way, where’s your coat? You’re never out of that. It’s your security blanket.”

I hold up a finger. “First off, I don’t have a security blanket. Second, I gave the coat away.”

“Why? You love that ratty thing.”

“A few reasons, I suppose. But mostly because of all the blood.”

She frowns and closes my hand around the new pills.