Ballistic Kiss (Sandman Slim 11)

“This isn’t exactly what I meant. Who are we going to meet out here? Some fifteen-year-olds with beer?”

I look around.

“I like it here. It’s quiet. The moonlight looks pretty through the bars.”

Allegra puts a hand over her mouth.

“Oh my god. Was that a pickup line you used when you were a kid?”

“Yeah. What do you think?”

“You tell me. Did it work?”

“Usually.”

She smiles, then points at me. “What are we even doing here? Let’s go to the real zoo. The one that’s not all spiderwebs and leaves.”

I check the time on my phone.

“It’s probably closed.”

“Like that ever stopped you.”

“I’m shocked, doctor. You want to go trespassing on county property?”

“I sure as hell do.”

“Okay. It’s not far from here.”

We walk to the other side of the park, to the side that skirts the Golden State Freeway. It doesn’t take us long, but as I predicted, the zoo is closed.

The front entrance is huge. Maybe fifty feet tall. Across the bottom is a row of barred entrances, like the doors on animal cages. It’s all wildlife and education inside, but the way in is pure showbiz. If it were still fashionable to have dancing bears and elephants doing handstands, they’d have them out front too. Inside the zoo, it’s part Disneyland and part animal jail, but honestly, I think the animals have it easier. Their enclosures keep them a safe distance from frat shitheads eager for a selfie with a lion that’s waiting to disembowel them. And the cotton candy kids. Sticky little demons. They’re protected from them too.

I gesture to the locked gates.

“What did I tell you?”

“So what?” says Allegra. “Make with the magic and get us inside.”

“You know they have video surveillance in there, right?”

“And you can take care of that too. Don’t deny it.”

“Yeah, but I also might blow the thing up. I’m not always good with subtle.”

She grabs my hand and pulls me to the entrance like an eager kid.

“Come on, man. You promised me an adventure.”

“I guess I could throw a glamour on us so we’d be harder to see.”

“Yes. That. Do that.”

While I’m thinking of a good one I say, “What is it you’re so anxious to see?”

She doesn’t say anything for a minute, then mumbles, “Giraffes.”

“What’s so special about giraffes?”