When I hand them the Colt they just stare at it.
“All of a sudden I’m not sure about this.”
“Go ahead. See that tumbleweed near the tree? Shoot it.”
Janet points the gun at the ground nervously and says, “I thought there were a lot of safety rules.”
“There are. Don’t point the gun at me and don’t point it at yourself. That’s pretty much it.”
They aim the gun with two hands and pull the trigger. The Colt’s kick knocks them backward a couple of steps.
“Whoa. I was not expecting that.”
“Everybody says that the first time. Try it again.”
Another shot. Another miss.
“The tumbleweed is too small,” they say with a mock pout.
Janet points to the nearby tombstones.
“Why can’t I shoot at them?”
I take the pistol away and reload it.
“Those people have been through enough,” I say. “They deserve a decent sleep.”
When I hand Janet the Colt back, I get behind them and correct their stance. Straighten their hips and adjust their shoulders. I hold on to their hand and help them aim.
I say, “Shoot.”
They pull the trigger and the tumbleweed jumps back a foot. Janet lets out a loud whoop and leans back against me.
“That was great!”
“Nice job.”
Still leaning into me, they adjust their hips to shoot again. But they lower the pistol.
Janet says, “Stark. Do you have another gun?”
“Nope.”
She grinds her ass into my crotch.
“Then what’s that pressing into me?”
Before I can say anything, they turn and kiss me hard. I kiss her back and take the gun away.
Janet smiles and takes off their shirt.
“I guess you’re not mad at me anymore.”
“Not too much.”
No matter how many times movies and songs make getting undressed fast sound sexy, in my experience, it’s anything but. Especially on a hill in an overgrown cemetery. There’s nothing to do but muscle your way through it and forget about dignity. Just keep going and you’ll get to the promised land.
I start to say something about it, but Janet pulls me down on top of them and there’s not a lot of talking after that. I’m not saying we break any furniture, but we manage to rattle a couple of tombstones.