Ballistic Kiss (Sandman Slim 11)

I get them upright, but the moment they try to stand, they collapse again.

I look up the hill. The top isn’t that far away, but on this shitty ground, even on two feet, it would take forever.

On my wrist, the timer pings. A minute or so later, a plume of black smoke climbs into the air on the other side of the canyon.

I pull Janet into a sitting position again.

“We have to go,” I tell them. “I’m going to get you out of here.”

They put their hand on my cheek.

“No tricks.”

Goddammit.

“Fine. But this isn’t going to be fun for anyone.”

I get them up and carry them in my arms like Tor Johnson carried poor Mona McKinnon in Plan 9 from Outer Space.

The hill gets steeper and the gravel looser as we climb. It takes another hour to reach the top. We’re breathing in lungfuls of black smoke by then. I’m sweating like a pig doing the Tour de France and stagger the last few yards on trembling legs. By now, I don’t even know what kind of shape Janet is in.

To their credit, asshole Dan and Juliette come running when they see us. I set Janet on the ground and grab Dan by his stupid lapels.

“Rattlesnake. Tell me you have antivenin.”

Juliette is already kneeling by Janet, a medical kit open on the ground.

Dan pats my arm.

“It’s going to be all right. Juliette knows what to do.”

When I check, Juliette is giving Janet an injection. That done, she takes off my shitty tourniquet and examines the wound.

“See?” says Dan. “My angel has nurse training, just for moments like this.”

I let go of him.

“Okay, but if she loses that leg, I’m taking one of yours.”

Dan just smiles.

“I believe they is the correct pronoun in this case. Not she. You’re going to want to work on that before they’re back on their feet.”

Shit. Not only did I call Janet the wrong thing, but I got told off by the ringmaster of this psycho circus. He’s going to have a chuckle with Juliette about that. I go back and kneel down next to Janet.

Juliette says, “Think you can carry them like a person for a minute and not a sack of potatoes?”

“Where do you want them?”

“I’ve turned on the air-conditioning in the van. Put them in there.”

“We need to get them to a hospital.”

“They’re stable for now and should rest.”

“If you’re not going to take them, I will.”

“You might want to speak to them first.”