Ballistic Kiss (Sandman Slim 11)

They squeeze my hand and I squeeze back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d had it so rough.”

“It’s why you teaching me how to shoot was a big deal for me. I might not have shown it, but I was terrified.”

“You covered it up very well.”

“I’ve had a lot of practice.”

They look around the room, then back to me.

Janet goes on, “I’m well now, but I take a lot of medication and know that it could stop working at any time. Everybody is dying, but I’m dying a little faster than most. For me, the Lodge is a way to never fall back into my old patterns. I have to overcome the old fears when Dan and Juliette come up with their wild ideas. And after I’ve made it through one, there’s no other feeling like it.”

“Even after everything that happened at the canyon, you haven’t thought about quitting?”

They shake their head.

“Not for a minute.” Janet laughs and says, “Besides, it’s the Zero Lodge. Quitting isn’t an option.”

I look at her.

“Did they threaten you?”

“Of course not. But there are things you don’t understand yet.”

“Like what?”

“It’s like you and the shadow trick. I’ll tell you, but not right now.”

I think about it for a minute.

“Janet, I’m a killer.”

They look at me like maybe they heard me wrong.

“For a long time, I was a private hit man. Since then, I’ve been pretty much freelance. At this point, I don’t know how many things and people I’ve killed. And while I was doing all that killing, I found my way into the Room of Thirteen Doors.”

They sit up straighter.

“Did all this happen here in L.A.?”

“Some.”

“Where then? Stop being so coy about it.”

I let go of their hand.

“It happened the same place I got all these scars.”

“Where?”

“In Hell.”

Janet flops against the back of the sofa, looking mad.

“Come on. For real.”

“I’ll tell you about it, but I’m going to need a drink first. Then, if you don’t believe me and want me to not bother you anymore, I won’t.”