“That was Chris. He loved going to the movies.”
“That’s not what Thivierge said. She said that you were the wild one.”
She looks serious.
“Chris’s views on what was fun and what was possible were limited. I expanded his horizons.”
“You taught him to steal. He could get through any lock. That’s something else I should have picked up on, Opener.”
“I guess you’re not very good at your job.”
“You’re weren’t my job. You’re just trash a friend asked me to clean up for him. Like, I was just trying to save one poor slob and there you were, trying to gut Janet like a catfish.”
She smiles slyly. “Admit it. She’s not Sub Rosa. She’s not an Abomination like you. She’s just your plaything.”
I tick things off on my fingers.
“First off, you’re wrong. Second, Janet’s pronouns are ‘they’ and ‘them.’ You’re an angel. You ought to pick up on these things.”
She ignores that.
“All of your other friends are special in some way. Poor Janet is utterly, banally human. How could you possibly care for the creature?”
I look at Zadkiel hard.
“Since we’re at a Dear Abby moment about relationships, I have a question for you. Were you going to do to Manimal Mike what you did to Chris? Get him to love you and then, when he finally figured out what a lunatic you are, cut him in half with your Gladius?”
“Mike is nice. But he’s not Chris. I doubt I would have cut him. You, on the other hand—”
“You’re welcome to try.”
She gets down from the sofa and takes a couple of steps in my direction.
“I don’t want to fight you, Abomination. Rather, I have a proposition for you.”
“Oh good. I love making
deals with crazy people.”
“I’ll leave Los Angeles. And if you agree to not hunt for me, I’ll give you something you’ve always wanted.”
“An Aqua Regia hot tub?”
“Your old life back.”
Zadkiel holds up something small and shiny.
“Recognize this? It’s an asphodel seed. Polished and cared for. Turned into a potent charm by Heaven’s most powerful builders. It can give you anything you want.”
“I guess you haven’t heard of Amazon. They’ll even bring me socks.”
“Can they give you your old life? Can they give you Alice back? Think of it. Just swallow the seed and your fondest wish will come true. You can be back with your first love. You can escape Hell and all the misery it’s brought you. You can be human again.”
I’m not sure how far I can trust crazy pants here, but for a moment the deal is tempting. But not enough, because it’s based on a lie.
“Here’s the problem. I’m not human. I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be and I’m not interested in your deal.”
She smiles and holds up a finger.