‘I didn’t think of it like that. I’ve told you. I was so invested in keeping our perfect showbiz couple thing going that I lied to myself constantly. Even when pics came out in the News of the World of him rubbing sun lotion on this famous model, I refused to accept it. The girl was topless, for fuck’s sake! It was so obvious. I got about a hundred calls that day, asking for my reaction to the story. I made a statement in the end, from my hospital bed. “Deano’s entitled to have female friends, and to take holidays whenever and with whomever he likes. Neither of us owns the other.” And I really believed that.’
‘Bloody hell, he had it made, didn’t he? Jammy fucker.’
‘As long as it was true love in my head, and in the papers, I could ignore pretty much anything.’
‘Wow. I wonder how many other showbiz relationships are like that.’
‘Oh, you’d be surprised,’ she said with a hollow laugh. ‘He kept up the champagne lifestyle, and then it turned into a cocaine and girls lifestyle and then one day I just woke up and knew he didn’t love me any more.’
‘It must have been a shock.’
‘Yeah. It was seven years ago. We limped on for seven more years, more for PR than anything else. Seven stupid pointless lonely years.’
‘You didn’t want to leave him?’
‘I didn’t see the point. I didn’t think I’d ever want anyone else, and I was still his manager. I concentrated on building a profile for myself instead – hence Talent Team. It was all a big distraction from the gaping void in the centre of my life.’
‘Quite a good distraction,’ offered Jason. ‘International megastardom. Better than knitting, right?’
She laughed and kissed his neck.
‘Thank God for you is all I can say. I really never expected . . .’ Her voice cracked and he cuddled her tight.
‘It’s all better now,’ he said. ‘You left in the end. You did the right thing.’
‘Yes, ironically it was my distraction technique that caused the final rift. He hated that I was getting as famous as him. It made him start behaving like an absolute wanker – trying to humiliate me by parading girlfriends in front of the media. In the end I had to file for divorce, or lose all the respect I’d built up in the industry.’
‘You did right.’
‘Funnily enough, as soon as the papers were served, he started behaving like the old Deano again. Funny, friendly, warm. I think it was just such a relief for us both, to be out from under that weird microscope. We get on quite well now – when we have to.’
‘You mean he’s been in touch with you since you came back to Bledburn?’ Jason sat up, eyeing Jenna with some alarm.
She bit her lip. She should really have told him.
‘Only a couple of phone calls,’ she said. ‘When you were arrested and all that awful stuff was going on. He called to offer his support. He was very nice about it. A bit narky when he found out about you, though . . .’
‘Was he, by fucking Jove?’
‘Jason, calm down. It’s OK. We’re not about to get back together. The situation was extreme that’s all. Since then, all our communication has been through our lawyers. Come on. Hold me again. I was enjoying it.’
Jason shuffled back down into his former cradling position, but Jenna could feel his restlessness and the uneven rhythm of his heart.
‘What if you get famous?’ she said softly. ‘Really famous, like Deano? Do you think it’ll change you?’
‘You’re already trying to change me,’ he pointed out. ‘You and that Georgina one.’
‘I’m not trying to change you,’ she said long-sufferingly. ‘As I’ve already explained. Polishing is not the same as refashioning.’
‘Polishing,’ he snorted. ‘Makes me sound like a bloody sideboard.’
‘Refining, then.’
‘Refining? Like oil. Don’t you prefer me crude, then?’ He winked and pinched her thigh.
‘What a wag you are, sir. But how do you think you’d react to fame, seriously?’
He was quiet for a few moments.