The Man Who Has No Sight (Soulless 4)

“I’m not freaked out about commitment.”

“So, you’re open to the idea?” he asked in surprise.

“She’s already told me she wants to get married and have kids.”

“Seriously?” He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “She just blurted that out?”

I remembered the moment pretty clearly, making love at the cabin. “Yeah.”

“And that didn’t bother you?”

“It was uncomfortable at the time, but I grew past it.”

“Wow.” He nodded his head slowly. “Good for you. I just assumed after Valerie you would be totally against marriage.”

“I used to be that way, but Cleo isn’t Valerie. Cleo is…my person.”

He smiled. “That’s kinda romantic.”

I drank my beer, dropping my gaze again.

“You would do the kid thing again?”

I shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about it, honestly. But I know it’s important to her, so I would. Honestly, just trying to figure out how to give Derek what he needs is already a challenge. With Valerie leaving, I’m not even sure how I’m going to do this. So, having another kid anytime in the near future…is pretty much out of the question.” Unless Cleo was willing to step back and be a stay-at-home mother. I guess we could have a nanny take care of both Derek and a new baby, but with that age gap, it didn’t seem to make sense. They would need completely different things.

“What do you mean? You have Cleo.”

“She’s pretty dedicated to her career…”

“So, she wants to have kids but not necessarily sacrifice her career?”

I nodded. “We’re both ambitious people. I love that about her. But…if that’s what she really wants, something has to give. And I can’t stop my work. If I did something else, I’d be open to the idea, but I just can’t step back.”

“No, you absolutely shouldn’t.”

“And it’s a bit sexist to expect her to do it…”

“Not really,” he countered. “If she’s the one wanting kids? Then I don’t think so.”

I shrugged. “Anyway, since Cleo is going to keep working, I have to get a nanny.”

“Hmm…”

“Yeah, I’m not happy about it. But I really have no other option.”

“What about Mom?” he asked.

I shook my head. “It’ll turn into a job for her, and I don’t want that. And I do need someone to look after Derek sometimes if Cleo and I want to get dinner or go to the beach house or something.”

“I guess Valerie’s departure puts you in a bad spot.”

“Yeah. Now I realize I took her for granted in that respect.” She was always available to be with him, stayed home with him all day, dropped him off at school, and picked him up again. Now that I would lose that, I understood just how difficult it was to be a single parent, and it’d just been a week.

“How is it living with Cleo?”

“No complaints.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Come on, give me more than that. Is she driving you up the wall?”

I shook my head.

“Then you like having her there.”

“I love it, actually.” I liked the domestic partnership, sharing our meals together, working quietly side by side at the dining table while Derek slept in his bedroom. I liked going to bed and having her there, having a nighttime ritual of lovemaking before we rolled over and went to sleep. It was so different from my relationship with Valerie that I’d stopped comparing them. Now, I was in a good, healthy relationship with a woman who loved me from the bottom of her heart.

“Then why don’t you ask her to stay?”

“To permanently move in with me?” I asked in surprise.

“Why not? If she moves in to an apartment and then moves back in with you like a year later, it’s a lot of moving.”

“That seems pretty soon.”

“I mean, if it’s right…”

It was right. It was perfect. I was so hurt by what she’d done, but the second we were back together, I couldn’t slow our process. We accelerated, stuck together like glue, and we were happier now than we were before.

“Just an idea. You’re in your thirties. You don’t need to be with the same woman for five years to know if it’s right. And she clearly is the right woman so…”

It was true. There would never be anyone else. If she moved out, she would have to leave the office every night and walk home, and even if it was just a block, I would worry. And there would be nights I wouldn’t see her because we’d be in our own places. She wouldn’t always be beside me every night. She wouldn’t be there in the morning. It would be back to our separate lives. I hardly ever texted her anymore because there was no point. She was always beside me. “I’ll think about it.”

“Not trying to pressure you. I just know you don’t think about these things, and sometimes you need someone to force you to think about it. Because Cleo is the perfect lady for you, and I don’t want you to ever lose her.”