The Boy Who Has No Faith (Soulless 5)

But what good would come from it?

I could never have him.

It would be nice to have one hot night and just move on, but would that be possible for us? Or would it change this relationship forever? Or would it make me want more from him when he said he would never give more to anyone?

He continued to stare at me, accepting the long silence without question.

When I was put on the spot, I didn’t know what to say, but nothing good would come from the truth. “I…I’ve just had some personal stuff going on. It’s not you, Derek.” I needed to move on from this and forget it happened.

His eyes shifted back and forth as he looked into my face, his brown eyes beautiful because they reflected his personality so well. They belonged in that intense face, with that chiseled jawline. “Is there anything I can do to help? And if you just need someone to talk to, I’m a pretty good listener.”

And just like that, he made this problem worse…so much worse. “I’m okay, Derek. But thank you.”

Derek had ruined me for all other men …and I hadn’t even slept with him.

I had casual dates here and there, just for the physical satisfaction and release. But the guys I kept in touch with just weren’t good enough anymore.

Not when there was only one man I wanted.

Derek fucking Hamilton.

I needed to get it out of my head, to just forget about it, because there was no scenario in which it would work.

But if he wanted me and I wanted him…maybe we could just do a one-time thing?

We could lay the ground rules and say we would never speak of it again when the sun rose the next morning.

He had flings all the time, so it shouldn’t be hard.

If we did it once, we could extinguish this mutual attraction and move on with our lives.

It could work…right?

I opened my laptop in bed and started to write. I wasn’t much of a writer, but I could put this together and leave it for him…so he would know that I knew about his stories, that I was okay with it, that I wanted what he wanted. It was probably better than sitting there and having a conversation about it.

The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.

I still felt the way…even more so.

The stories that were meant for him and only him found their way to my eyes…and I hadn’t stopped thinking about it.

Hadn’t stopped thinking about all the ways he wanted to fuck me.

Because I wanted to fuck him too.

It’s wrong, inappropriate, unprofessional…but that also makes it hotter. A night between a man and a woman, a night that we can enjoy without repercussions is what we both need. Passion can ignite, and the fire will burn everything away when we’re finished. The satisfaction can put out those hot coals forever, so the need will never spark ever again.

Just one night.

Just us.

I watched him put down the story I’d left for him, his eyes showing arousal for the details I’d described so intimately, the way I wanted him to touch me, kiss me, thrust into me until I screamed his name and listened to it echo back from the ceiling.

I wanted him to fist my hair and yank my head back, to drag his tongue up my neck until he got to my mouth, giving me a kiss that made my whimper in desire. I wanted him inside me, his sweaty chest rubbing against my mine, his narrow hips between my thighs…

I couldn’t even get through the whole thing between my fingers found their way between my legs and I got lost in the story that felt real, that made me feel like his mouth was really on mine, his dick inside me, surrounded in the cream my body smeared all over his dick…and I came so hard.

I wondered how much harder it would be in real life.

Twenty-Four

Derek

I wasn’t much of a worrier.

I chose not to worry until there was actually something to worry about.

But I was worried about Emerson…because she’d been different all week.

When I asked her about it, she said it wasn’t me, that she had personal issues.

What were they?

I didn’t come out and ask because it was none of my business. But I hoped it was nothing serious, that her health wasn’t in jeopardy, that she didn’t give her heart to a man who didn’t deserve it and he broke it, or something else along those lines.

Now I understood why she was so annoyed with my foul moods, because they infected you.

Her unease gave me unease.

But I needed to let it go because her problems weren’t my problems.

My max for sexual abstinence was a week, and since it’d been over a week since my last fix, I was starting to get desperate. I kept thinking about that story sitting on my computer, adding another entry and escaping into a sexual fantasy customized to my exact desires…and made me explode all over my hand.