Kissing Jenna (Big Sky 2)

He frowns. “What the hell are you talking about? I love you, Jenna. Of course, I want you to join me in L.A.”

“And then what?” I ask, anger and frustration setting up residence in my chest. I don’t know if I’m angry at Nina or Christian right now. Or if I simply feel like a fool because I let myself believe in the fairy tale. “I follow you around like a lovesick puppy? I have a business here in Montana, Christian. My family is here. My life is here. I can’t just leave all that and go to L.A.”

“I’m not telling you to leave it permanently. I’m not a dick, Jenna. I just need you to meet me halfway here.”

Nina lays on the horn down below, and Christian swears under his breath.

“I know,” I reply with a nod. “You wouldn’t ask me to do that, but that’s what would eventually happen because your job is important, and your life is this big…thing. And that’s not what I want.”

“So what are you saying, Jenna?”

“That it was so wonderful to spend this time with you,” I whisper and lean forward to kiss his lips softly. “And you will forever be written on my heart, but this can’t really go anywhere.”

“Jenna, this is ridiculous.”

“No. It’s not ridiculous. Both of our lives are important, we’ve said that from the beginning. I don’t want to give up my life.”

“For the record,” he says as he leans in, his blue eyes sad and frustrated, “I’m not asking you to give up your life. Not once did I ask you to do that. But if you’d like to walk away, well, I don’t know how to convince you otherwise right now, and I have to go. But, Jenna, this isn’t over.”

He shakes his head and heads to the doorway, then looks back at me before walking out the door and closing it softly behind him—walking right out of my life.

I’m numb, not able to move for long minutes as I hear the car start and pull away from the tree houses. This hurts worse than anything I’ve ever been through. I don’t think I’ve ever known this kind of deep, searing pain. Even the concussion from the accident didn’t hurt like this.

It feels like someone has reached inside my chest and torn out my heart.

I love Christian, and I can’t have him. He was never really mine. He was on loan from his real life, and now he’s gone, and I won’t ever see him again.

Jesus, I won’t ever see him again.

I bury my face in my hands and let the tears come, every one of them hot with grief and pain.

It seems like hours later when there’s a knock on the door.

I walk on numb legs and open it to find a young kid holding hot pizza.

“Hi, Miss Jenna. Here are your pizzas. Hey, are you okay?”

I nod, brushing tears from my cheeks. “Of course. I was chopping onions. Thanks, kiddo. Did you put this on my tab?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I tip him and turn back into the kitchen.

And now it’s time to get to work.

***

It’s been ten days since I last saw his face. Touched him. Made love with him.

Ten long, agonizing days.

I thought it would get better with time, but that hasn’t been the case. I’ve buried myself in work, had Christmas with my brothers a couple of days ago, and now, my friends have insisted that I come back to the land of the living.

I’m meeting Grace, Hannah, and Willa at Dress It Up for coffee and girl-talk before Willa opens for the day.

I’m in charge of picking up the caffeine, so I swing into Drips & Sips and get in line.

“Jenna.”

I turn at the deep voice and am immediately swept up into a big hug. Noah King has been a friend of mine since grade school. He’s sweet, soft-spoken, and owns the birds of prey sanctuary just outside of town.

“Hey, Noah.” I lean back to smile up at him but don’t pull out of his arms. The hug feels nice. “How are you?”

“I’m great.” His brown eyes narrow as he really looks at me. “And you’re sad.”

“I’m not sad at all.”

“Liar.” He lets me go and tucks his hands into his pockets. “Did you have a good Christmas?”

“Oh, yeah, Brad and Max spoiled me a bit with some new fancy shoes.” I wink at him. “I’ll keep them. How about you?”

“I did. You know how big and crazy the King holidays are.”

“You do have a huge family,” I agree as I’m called up to place my order. “It was good to see you, Noah.”

“You too, Jenna. Take care.”

I place our order and hurry down the block in the cold to Willa’s shop. I knock on the glass door, and Willa rushes over to let me in.