With This Man (This Man 4)

‘I don’t have a dad, sir.’

‘Of course you do.’ I laugh. ‘Everyone has a dad.’

‘Mine walked out on my mum when I was eighteen months old. Haven’t seen him since.’ He shrugs, like it’s no biggie, and I die on the inside. Really die. I’m a twat. ‘I looked him up last year, but he wasn’t interested. So it’s just me and Mum.’

I want to punch myself in my stupid face, and I’m pretty sure Ava would if she knew I’d just put my big foot in it. I cast my eyes to John-Boy, who’s dancing on my lap, talking a load of gibberish as he claps his hands and yells at Lonny. Eighteen months. John-Boy’s age. Unexpected anger rises from my toes and burns my insides. He walked out on his boy? So who’s guided him his whole life? Who took him to football training and to his first match? ‘You don’t need a man like that in your life,’ I tell him, overwhelmed by the respect I have for this kid now. ‘You’re doing fine without him, anyway.’ The kid has Oxford in his dreams, and something deep, and oddly proud, tells me he’ll make it there, too.

‘Dream big, fight hard.’ Lonny says it quietly, his gaze staring off into the distance, as I stare at him, astounded by his attitude. ‘Make things happen.’ He looks at me and smiles. ‘You have to go for what you want and take it.’

‘I couldn’t agree more,’ I murmur, wondering if his philosophy applies to my daughter, too. I wonder where my fight is, my desire to scare this kid off. It’s gone.

‘He’s so cute.’ Lonny takes John-Boy’s hand and lets him yank and pull at it while both of them laugh.

‘Of course he is. He’s mine.’ I flip Lonny a wink when he glances at me. I’m done interrogating the boy. ‘You go and find Maddie.’

‘Actually, I wouldn’t mind having a game of tennis with Jacob.’ He frowns, looking back towards the house, where, no doubt, Maddie is in her mum’s earhole nagging about my trampling ways. She needn’t worry. This kid has trampled me, it seems. Looking back at me, Lonny’s lips straighten. ‘But I don’t think Maddie will be very pleased.’

I laugh and stand, setting John-Boy on his feet so he can walk back, jerking my head for Lonny to follow. ‘Let me give you some advice about the women in my life, most importantly Maddie.’ His face is pleading for that advice as we wander back up the path slowly, John-Boy stomping along beside me, my shoulder dropped a little so my hand reaches his without stretching his little muscles. ‘My daughter is stubborn.’

Lonny blows out his cheeks, nodding. ‘Tell me about it.’

‘Don’t back down. She’s just like her mother. Defiant and difficult for the sake of it. She’ll have you running in circles if you let her.’ Something tells me Lonny is already dizzy. ‘Be firm. Stand your ground.’ I give him a light slap on his shoulder, nodding my affirmation.

‘Yes, sir!’ He beams brightly as he heads off to the tennis courts to find his mate. ‘Thanks, Mr Ward.’

I smile and dip to tie the laces on John-Boy’s little Converses. ‘Lonny,’ I call, and he stops, looking back.

‘Yes, Mr Ward?’

‘You can call me Jesse.’

Another beam, but this time no words. He jogs off and disappears around the corner, and John-Boy and I continue back to the house. The moment Maddie sees us, she flies over, her dark eyes frantically searching for Lonny. ‘Where is he? Oh my God, did you kill him and bury him under the shed? Mum!’

‘Calm your knickers, little lady.’ I continue past, her wide eyes following. ‘He’s on the tennis court with your brother.’

‘He is?’

I see it in her already. Indignation. She looks just like her mother as she huffs and goes marching off. I laugh, mentally cheering Lonny on in my head. She’s going to get a nasty surprise. ‘Hey, Maddie.’

She swings around, her eyes flaming. ‘What?’

‘He’s a good kid. Don’t be a little cow, or he might dump your stroppy arse.’

Her jaw drops open, her face outraged, and I smile, getting on my way with John-Boy.

‘Who are you and what have you done with my dad?’ she calls at my back.

I don’t answer, smiling at Ava when she approaches with curiosity rife on her face. I shake my head and swing my arm around her neck. ‘I can’t wait until tomorrow,’ I tell her, pulling her in and kissing her temple.

‘Me neither.’ Her hands disappear under my T-shirt and glide over my skin, coming to rest over my heart. It’s going crazy, thumping happily.

Now it beats for four people.

*

The next day . . .

The familiar smell of the sea air fills my nose as I stand on the seashore in my shorts, the Mediterranean a never-ending blanket of sparkling water under the blazing sun. It’s John-Boy’s first time in Paradise, and he’s mesmerised by the sand under his little bare feet, his toes constantly clawing. ‘Look, Dada!’ he says, over and over, doing little dramatic gasps as he points to the gigantic expanse of blue water before him and the white sand he’s standing on. ‘Gosh,’ he breathes, bewitched by the sea. ‘Gosh, Dada.’

My fucking heart swells to epic proportions as I hold his hand and Jacob holds his other, our feet getting precariously close to the water. Maddie is dancing in the shallow depths. ‘Look, John-Boy!’ She kicks the water and he chuckles, the sound adorable. ‘You coming to play in the water?’ She drops to her knees and holds out her hands.

‘No, Addie.’ He shakes his little head and turns into Jacob, raising his arms for his brother to pick him up. I lower my arse to the sand as Jacob lifts him and sets him on his hip, though John-Boy’s eyes don’t unstick themselves from the water. ‘Oh gosh,’ he gasps again, pointing out past Maddie. ‘A oat!’

‘Yes, a boat!’ I sing, clapping my hands at him, making him jig excitedly in Jacob’s arms.

‘Oh, here’s Mum.’ Maddie jumps up and frantically brushes the wet sand from her body. ‘Quick, Dad!’ Her hands flap at me, hurrying me to my feet.

‘You ready, guys?’ I ask, pulling my Wayfarers off and getting my first glimpse of her. ‘Fuck me,’ I breathe quietly as she comes down the steps from the villa, her white layered lace bikini perfect against her olive skin, her hair plaited over her shoulder. And she has a calla lily in her hand, just a single calla lily. I smile and reach into my pocket as she approaches. ‘Mrs Ward, you look out of this world.’

‘You too.’ She holds her wrist out, eyebrows high, and I grin, dragging the cuffs from my pocket. ‘Shackle me, Ward.’

I do as I’m bid, snapping one over her wrist before securing it to me. I don’t know how she knew I’d have them. Then again, this woman has always read me like a book. Leaning in, I push my lips to hers. The kids don’t say a word. Even John-Boy is silent, probably staring out at the water rather than at Mummy and Daddy handcuffing themselves to each other. ‘Ready?’ I ask her.

‘Always,’ she replies, turning us towards the kids. I laugh under my breath when I find Jacob standing tall in his trunks, a book in his hands.

‘What’s that?’ I ask, bemused.

‘A Bible. I have to look like I know what I’m doing. This is important.’ He clears his throat and looks down at the pages, drawing breath to speak. ‘It’s—’

‘Wait!’ Maddie yells, chasing after John-Boy when he decides that now he’d like to try the water. ‘John-Boy, no.’ She lifts him into her arms and returns to her spot. ‘Sorry. You may resume.’

I look at Ava, frowning, and she laughs. ‘Go on,’ I prompt, sliding my hand into my wife’s.

‘Do you, Jesse Ward, take Ava Ward to be your wedded wife?’ Jacob asks, a certain posh edge to his voice. ‘To have and to hold from this day forward. To love, honour—’

‘I thought we weren’t doing the official thing?’ Maddie interrupts, scowling at Jacob.

He leans into her, full of annoyance. ‘You’re ruining their special day.’

‘Seriously? They’ve

had, like, two already. Who gets married three times?’ She rolls her eyes and starts bouncing John-Boy when he starts yelling impatiently, reaching for his new favourite friend, the Med.

‘Me and your mum do,’ I snap, giving her a face that dares her to argue. ‘You gonna argue with me? And before you answer, think carefully about who will be paying for your wedding when you find the one.’

She snaps her mouth shut, startled, and probably pleasantly surprised, and Ava cocks an interested eyebrow. ‘Get on with it, Jacob,’ I tell him, before anyone has the chance to ask where The Jesse Ward has disappeared to. Turning to Ava, I breathe in the salty air and wink.

‘Dad, do you take Mum to be your wife?’ Jacob spurts out the words tiredly.

‘I do.’

‘Mum, do you take Dad to be your husband?’

‘I do.’ She grins at me, yanking my hand when my eyes drift down to her boobs straining against the white material of her bikini. ‘Eyes up here, Ward.’

‘Sorry.’ I flash her my roguish grin, returning her gesture and yanking her hand when her gaze takes a casual jaunt down my prime chest. ‘Hey.’

‘Not sorry.’ She chuckles, diving at me, her thighs trapping me in their grasp, her free arm around my neck. And her gorgeous lips on mine. ‘Don’t ever tell me I can’t admire what’s mine.’ Biting my lip, she pulls back, just a fraction, so her forehead rests on mine. ‘I love you, Jesse Ward.’

‘Of course you do.’ Resealing our lips, I turn and run into the water with her attached to my front.

‘I now pronounce you man and wife!’ Jacob yells at us, his declaration only just heard over our laughs and the splashing water. ‘Hey, wait for me!’

As soon at the water is up to my waist, I take us under, rolling us around, our bodies and limbs twisting, the moment reminiscent. Except this time we’re not just us. We’re not just Jesse and Ava. We’re not just man and wife.

We’re Mum and Dad.

Only when I’m unable to hold my breath any longer do I push us to the surface, gasping for air when I get there. Ava soon reattaches herself to my front, breathing heavily in my face as she blinks her eyes open. ‘Fuck, it’s cold.’ She shudders in my arms as Jacob splashes his way to us.

‘Watch your mouth,’ I warn, landing her with a kiss before pulling the cuff off my wrist and pushing her away from me. I’m attacked from behind by Jacob crawling up my back until he’s standing on my shoulders. ‘Off you go, boy.’ I take his ankles and launch him into the air, just in time for Maddie to tackle me. ‘Amateurs,’ I mutter, taking her under the arms and throwing her away. She screams, I laugh, looking to the shore to see John-Boy standing just out of reach of the rolling shoreline.

‘Dada!’ he yells to me, quite put out that he’s missing all the fun. ‘Dada, gosh!’

I wipe my hair from my face as I trudge through the water. ‘Touch the sea,’ I tell him, laughing when his little head starts to shake furiously, knocking his blond curls about. ‘Dada come get you?’ I ask.

‘Dada!’ he yells, starting to pad the sand with his feet, making grabby hands for me.

I make it to him and lift him into my arms, his little padded nappy trunks dry as a bone. ‘You always swim in the swimming pool at home,’ I say, kissing his hair as I walk back into the water, the others up ahead dunking and splashing each other. ‘Hey, calm down, guys.’

They all stop with the larking around and start encouraging John-Boy in, clapping and singing excitedly as he starts to jerk in my arms. The moment his toe touches the water, he gasps, and I decide it’s now or never. So I quickly sink us in up to our necks.

‘Oooh, cold, Dada!’ He moves to my front, clinging onto my neck as he looks back to the others, clearly desperate to join them. I swim over as Jacob climbs onto Ava’s back, and as soon as I’m close enough, Maddie is on mine, cooing over my shoulder to John-Boy, who has adopted a chimp-style hold uncannily similar to his mother’s. With Maddie lying on my back, and John-Boy plastered to my front, I swim towards Ava until our baby is squished between her chest and mine, the twins dangling from our backs. The happiness radiating from my wife’s eyes is fierce, and I know mine is reflecting right back at her. This moment, this precious moment, is what any man should live for.

And I do. I live for them. My heart beats to keep me alive for them.

‘Kiss me,’ I say to Ava over John-Boy’s head, reaching forward with my spare hand and slipping it onto her nape, holding his little body to my chest with my other. ‘And close your eyes.’

Smiling, her eyes flutter closed with mine, and our lips meet. I taste nothing but love in her kiss. I hear nothing but love in the sound of the twins’ laughter. I feel nothing but love in John-Boy’s baby skin pressed against my chest. And I smell nothing but love in Paradise.

The only sense I don’t have in this perfect moment is my vision. To see my beautiful family surrounding me.

I don’t need it. I feel them. With every fibre of my being, I feel them.

Their presence, their faces, their love, is all carved deeply into my soul. It makes me who I am.

My wife. My children. Their love.

It’s pure bliss, ladies. Total gratification. Absolute, complete, Earth-shifting, universe-shaking love.

Don’t tell me there’s anything more perfect than this.

I wouldn’t believe you.

End of.

Acknowledgements

As always, my love and thanks to every single one of the JEM team, but a special thanks has to go to you. My readers. To this day, I’m still floored by the response I’ve had to my crazy, neurotic, nut-job Lord of the Manor. Thank you for loving Jesse as much as I do. Writing his story has truly changed my life. JEM xxx