Cowboy Take Me Away (Rough Riders 16)

And how did that go for you? How many years did you spend resenting your father until you realized the man wasn’t half the idiot you’d made him out to be?

“Cord told me what’s been going on.”

Carolyn’s voice was quiet and controlled.

“I want you to know that I’m not taking sides. But to be honest, I don’t want to hear your side. I thought—maybe I should say I hoped—that because you dealt with this very thing with your own father over the years, that you’d handle it differently when it came to your sons.”

The silent, unspoken accusation lingered between them. He’d been married to this woman long enough that he knew what she was thinking, almost as if he was inside her head.

You swore to me you’d never have the kind of relationship with your children that you had with your father. And when the boys were growing up, you were there for them, teaching them, encouraging them. But as soon as Cord decided he wanted to ranch with you, you’ve slowly turned into that man. Nitpicking everything he says or does. Rarely listening to his ideas. Reminding him you’re in charge and he’d better fall in line. And I’ve seen you acting the same way with Colton. How long before you chase him away too?

At that point he knew he’d f**ked up in the worst possible way. And wasn’t it a kick in the ass that the doomed to repeat the same familial pattern stuff that Keely yammered on about from her psychology class wasn’t bullshit; he’d gotten sucked into it because it was familiar.

Yet even knowing that, he didn’t know how to change it. What if he couldn’t? What if his boys ended up hating him because he was too f**king stubborn to admit that he wasn’t the infallible man they’d looked up to? Had that man ever really existed?

He’d never walked away from his wife when she was distraught. But she wanted nothing to do with him so he left the house, choking on a cloud of guilt.

That first year Cord was gone had been rough on everyone. Especially since Cord had joined a fishing crew based out of Seattle and spent months at sea and called home only twice. Carson suffered most of all because he’d had to do Cord’s work and his. Colt, determined to prove his worth in the face of his brother’s defection, worked hard enough for two ranch hands. But it still wasn’t enough.

When Colby realized things were falling apart at the McKay ranch, he’d backed off on his rodeo travel schedule and helped out. But Colby declined to live at home and Carson allotted the funds for Colby to build his own place on McKay land.

Nine months into his personal hell, Carson had swallowed his pride and asked Cal and his sons for help, as well as Charlie and his two oldest boys.

Year two was better. Even though Cord spent months at sea working as a fisherman, he actually called to check in. But he never mentioned returning to Wyoming—even for a visit.

At the start of year three, Cord had called to announce he’d gotten married. Carolyn, who’d kept to her word and hadn’t taken sides, lit into Carson like he hadn’t experienced since his drinking and brawling days. She told him if their son planned to make his home and his life in Seattle, he deserved their support and they’d show it by paying him and his new wife a visit.

So they’d made the trip. Both he and Carolyn had disliked Marla, Cord’s wife, ten minutes into meeting her. If that wasn’t bad enough, Carson knew his son was restless in the big city, living in a tiny apartment when he wasn’t cramped into an even smaller space on a fishing boat. Seeing that allowed Carson to make the apology he’d owed his oldest son.

Over a bottle of whiskey they’d made up and made plans. It seemed too good to be true that Marla was onboard for living in the “wild west” married to a real cowboy. A month after the Seattle visit Cord and Marla were back in Wyoming, living in Cord’s old trailer. But in order to make his wife happy, Cord agreed to build her a house. It’d taken every penny he’d had and then some, and a little over a year to construct the house of her dreams. Then the woman had only stuck it out for a year after Cord had slaved to give her everything she’d wanted. No one had been surprised when she’d taken off or that she’d left their baby son with Cord.

“Mr. McKay?”

He blinked, jolted from the memory, and turned to face the nurse. “Yes?”

“If you want to get ready, I’ll take you in.”

“Thanks.”

Carson washed up, slipped on the modified spacesuit, latex gloves and transparent hygiene mask that protected her, but allowed him to talk to her.

The sound of the ventilator no longer bothered him; it meant she was still breathing. The machines surrounding the bed kept up a steady hum and the occasional blip. He sat on the rolling stool next to the bed. Setting his hand over the top of hers, he squeezed, wishing they could be skin to skin. After this he knew he’d never take holding her hand for granted again.

“Hey sugar. I’m sittin’ here beside you. I know you can hear me. I need you to hear me. Come back to me. I need you to know that I’m right here, I ain’t goin’ anywhere.

“My day is a whole lotta waitin’ around until I get these five minutes an hour with you. Since our kids are MIA, I spend that time twiddling my damn thumbs, wondering what’s goin’ through your head. Or I try and watch TV but nothin’ can hold my interest for more than a few minutes.

“Anyway, Kyler visited a bit ago. He wanted to talk to me about what’s been goin’ on between him and Cord. I needed you there so damn bad because you’re so good at that talkin’ it out stuff. I listened mostly, answered some of his questions, but I don’t know if I helped him or not. We’ve always known Kyler is a good kid, but today I realized that he’s special in a way that’ll be tough on his family. Yeah, Cord and AJ are bustin’ their buttons proud of him, but Ky’s got ambition and drive…and after hearin’ him talk today about some of the college offers he’s getting, he’s got the talent. I just wish I could save him and Cord from butting heads over this. Made me wonder how Charlie dealt with Chase bein’ a star athlete. So if it comes to that I might enlist Charlie and Chase’s help in talkin’ to Cord.”

Even on day five, Carson paused, expecting Carolyn to answer.

“Sometimes I look at Ky and can’t believe he’s all grown up. I think about Cord’s pride the night Ky was born, presenting that bundle to us like he was handing us a crown prince.” He let his thumb sweep her knuckles, hating how still her hands were. At home her hands rarely had an idle moment. “Our little Ky. First grandson. Still the same sweet boy though. Said to tell you to get better soon because he misses you.”