Forbidden Desire

“Yeah she did, but she told me a different story, she said it was your idea.”

He put his hand on my shoulder. “You know I wouldn’t do that without asking you first. On another note, what’s up with you and your sister?” I went from relief to disdain in a second. Dad’s hung up on Lora being my sister, he sees her as his daughter, and there isn’t shit I can do about that. Just one more reason why I have to keep my true feelings hidden from her.

“I’m going up to see her now; I think she has a problem with a boy.” It burned my tongue to say that shit, but I can’t think of what else it might be. Dad left to go back to his friends, and I didn’t give Sherry a second thought as I made my way up the stairs to Lora’s room.

I knocked on her door and didn’t get an answer, so I opened it and walked in. She was asleep curled up in the fetal position under the covers. I walked over and looked down at her in the moonlight that came through her bedroom window, and my gut clutched when I saw the tear tracks on her face.

I know girls go through shit that makes them act like they’d lost their minds, but I never saw anyone change so drastically on a dime. There was no lead up to this and try as I might I can’t remember seeing her with anyone that would warrant such a reaction. I’m not scared, but I’m worried.

I sat on the edge of her bed and reached out to brush her hair lightly, unsure if I should wake her. “You’re back.” Her eyes were still closed when she spoke and scared the shit out of me. I started to pull my hand back but decided not to, “yes, I’m back; you wanna turn around and talk to me?”

When she sniffled, I felt that shit in my heart. Lora’s not a crier. Not even when she shared with me how scared she was when her family was torn apart, she didn’t shed a tear. Thinking about that made me think of something else that I’d totally overlooked since it didn’t register.

Her mom and my dad were expecting their first child together any day now, something we’ve known for months and was both excited about. It couldn’t possibly be the baby she was worried about, could it? I doubt it. They’d included us in every aspect of Justine’s pregnancy, even asking us to help pick out names.

Lora had been almost as excited as her mom at the news that they were expecting a little girl, so I can’t see how that could be it. Still, what do I know? “Is it the baby?” She finally turned over, and I saw in the faint light that her eyes were red from crying.

“Is what the baby?”

“The reason why you’ve been so upset lately.” She looked away from me, and I wanted to yell at her to stop shutting me out. We’d been so close before all this started, closer than I’ve been with anyone else except my dad, in fact. So her pushing me away was fucking with my head in more ways than one.

On the one hand, when she’s her usual self, I get to be with her, spending time together without her knowing what it means to me, and on the other, our familial bond is growing stronger. Most people tend to think like Sherry, that I’m supposed to not be happy that my dad found someone else, and I have to share my life with two new people, something that couldn’t be further from the truth.

So, even if I couldn’t have her for my own, I wanted that closeness that we had, in the beginning, to last forever. I’d made up my mind that I was going to be a part of her life no matter what. So I need to get to the bottom of what’s hurting her and making her lash out the way she had earlier.

“It’s not the baby, how could you think that?”

“I don’t know, you’ve been angry for a while, but you won’t tell me what’s going on. Is it a guy?” I folded my fists and hoped she didn’t hear the strain in my voice.

“You’re such an ass.” She tried getting up from the bed, and I felt the first teeth of anger.

“Then tell me what the hell it is, I’m not a mind reader.”

“It’s you.” She gritted out the words in anger, and I pulled back stung.

“Me? What did I do?” She’d never know how much those words hurt. But I wanted to know what she was accusing me of. When I finally looked back at her, the pain in her eyes had me reaching out for her. She tried fighting me off, but I ignored her and held on tighter. “Don’t, just don’t.”