Forbidden Desire

I could still feel the warmth of his hand as it cupped my breast through the soft silk of my pajamas and bra, and my body began to shake. He drew his tongue out of my mouth, and I followed it with a groan until he drew mine into his mouth.

He moved so gently that I didn’t even realize he’d lifted my top until I felt his hand on the warm flesh of my back before it moved around and pressed into the heat of my flat stomach. I breathed into his mouth as his hand crept up and under my shirt.

I held my breath waiting, anticipating, and then he was gone, throwing himself off the bed and away from me. “Shit, fuck, I’m sorry.” I stared at him, stunned for a solid few seconds before embarrassing reality came crashing down on me.

I felt my cheeks as they grew heated with rejection and embarrassment and wanted to crawl under the floorboards and die. Still, as embarrassed as I was, I knew this was maybe the last time I’d have the opportunity to make my case. I’d come too far to turn back now, so as miserable and afraid as I felt, I had to push on.

I’d felt his need for me, hadn’t I? His lips might be saying one thing, but I knew he wanted me too. So I fought the lump in my throat and spoke. “Why did you stop?” It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him if he didn’t want me, to force him to admit what I’d just felt, what we’d both felt, but alas I’m not that brave.

Tyler ran his hand along the back of his head as he looked down at the floor. I wish I knew what was going through his head at that moment, the look of longing mixed with confusion on his face gave me hope, but when he shook his head with that determined look on his face, I knew that I’d lost. I’d been so close.

“Is it because of Sherry?”

“No, why would you think that? We just went out for some ice cream.” Was he lying to me? I don’t think so, one thing he’s not is a liar, I’ve seen him come clean with his dad too often in situations where it would’ve served him better to lie, so I know how trustworthy he is.

So why did she tell me all that shit she’d said before? If I were thinking, I would’ve brought it up to him, but right this second, I was more interested in hearing why he’d reacted the way he did. “If it’s not her, then why? I know you’re not interested in any of the girls at school, not after you’ve been with them once.”

His head jerked back in surprise. “You know about that?” I rolled my eyes at him as I knelt up in the bed. “Everybody knows.” I actually pouted as if to say you’ve done it with everyone else, why not me. As if he read my mind, he finally lifted his head and looked at me.

“I can’t treat you like that others; I won’t just fuck you and walk away as if nothing happened.” I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want that either, that I wanted more and couldn’t believe it when I opened my mouth, and the words came tumbling out. “So don’t, don’t treat me like the others.” I stopped short of telling him I wanted to be his girlfriend. My teenage hormones were out of control.

“We can’t date each other, Lora.”

“Why not?” I knee walked towards the edge of the bed to get closer.

“You know why not. I’m practically your brother.”

“You didn’t kiss me like a brother. Admit it;

you want me too.” Oh my gosh, what am I doing?

If he turns me down when all is said and done, I’ll never outlive the humiliation. There was a part of me that wanted to stop, to take it all back, and pretend it was just a joke, but we’d come too far for that to be believable. Plus, the thought of him being with that smarmy bitch made me livid.

I hated the fact that she thought she had any say in our relationship that she felt she could come between us. I know Tyler, he wouldn’t have kissed me the way he did if he didn’t feel something too, but he was holding himself back because of the stepsibling thing.

I bit my tongue to keep from pleading with him. I guess I can understand his feelings, hadn’t I had the same doubts myself? If we try and things don’t go our way, it will make for some awkward situations in the future, especially since mom was pregnant and will definitely be a part of his and his father’s life forever.