Forbidden Desire

Every high school boy worth his salt knows how to handle that shit on their own. Add the fact that she’s mine and Kevin’s ass is fucked. I can’t forget the douche that’d brought him the cup either. I don’t know him, but it is evident from the pass off that the two of them had done this shit before.

I was starting to get heated again just thinking about it, but because I’d already got her calmed down, I didn’t want to bring it back up. Besides, she wasn’t acting as if she was bothered though I knew that was just a façade, another one of her coping mechanisms.

She likes to hide shit because she thinks she has to be strong for her mom—something I’d like to kick her dad’s ass for. I’m pretty sure she learned that shit from having to pick up the pieces after his douchebaggery. He’s actually one of the reasons I wouldn’t touch her before now, not before I was one hundred percent sure of my feelings and that I could be in this for the long haul.

I never really saw weakness in my dad after mom left, maybe because we’re men, and we’re taught to hide that shit. But her and my stepmom were damn near broken sparrows. Even after they moved in with us after our parents got married, it was still obvious that they were suffering something akin to PTSD. It was fucked up to see, and I know I can never put her through some shit like that again. Maybe one day I’ll tell her, on like our twentieth anniversary. I like the sound of that.

I had reached for her hand and was holding it in mine as I drove. Neither of us had said anything, and I wondered if she was as nervous as me. I looked at her when we stopped at a red light since she hadn’t said a word since we left and didn’t seem to be breathing; she was sitting so still. “You okay? You’re not still afraid about what happened back there, are you? I’m going to take care of Kevin; he’ll never get near you again, so you don’t have to worry.”

“I’m not scared; I’m just…” Her hand shook in mine, and she held on tighter. The next words she said were almost too quiet to hear, and I realized she’d lost some of her earlier spunk. I had to shake her hand twice to get her to open up and tell me what was on her mind. A complete contrast to the way she’s been lately.

“Are you sorry we kissed?” She looked like I’d slapped her. Damn, in trying to protect her, I’d somehow done more damage than I intended. Did she always look like that when I walked away from her? Like I’d hurt her soul?

“No, I’m not.” There was no point in trying to convince her I know, not with our history; only actions will suffice to take that look off her face.

We went back to our own individual silence, and now that I didn’t have my tongue in her mouth and could think clearly, my mind was shifting to other things, and it was hitting home hard how close she’d come to being hurt. The severity of the situation was only now hitting me in the gut.

When I think of her going off to some college away from me and not being there to protect her, my eyes finally opened. Fuck that! Dad better hope Justine is carrying the daughter he’s so hungry for. This one is mine. Besides, she’ll still be his daughter when I take her, won’t she?

The house was in total darkness except for the outside light that was always left on for us when I pulled into the driveway. I walked around and helped her out. “Go to your room and wait for me.” I followed her inside and went to my room to grab a box of condoms from my stash. My heart damn near flew out of my chest when my fingers touched the wrappers and put them in my pocket as I realized what I was about to do.

I’d stopped thinking when I dragged her out of the party, stopped agonizing over whether or not this was right. It’s enough that it’s what we both want, and Paul was right; my dad has always wanted what’s best for me, and right now, I can’t imagine that there’s anyone who could be better for me than her.

Her hormonal ass was just thinking about the here and now, giving no thought to the future, and what would happen if things didn’t work out between us, at least that’s how it seems. But I have to look at the big picture I have to take everything into consideration, including her wellbeing.