Alex ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, Hazel, I know you probably don’t want to even see me or talk to me, but could I please just have five minutes to explain?” he asked.
I sighed as I held the door. I was still hurt and angry because he ran off and left me, but at least he came back. “Fine, but only five minutes,” I replied, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice.
Alex stood there in the doorway. He was clearly nervous and trying to gather his thoughts before speaking. To be honest, I was already ravenous, and I didn’t know how much longer it would be until my morning sickness came back. I didn’t have time to stand around waiting.
Sensing my impatience, Alex cleared his throat and began to apologize. However, he offered no real explanation for why he left. I tried to be as patient as I could as I listened to him.
“There is no excuse in the world that I could use to justify running out on you like that,” he explained. I listened quietly. “It was wrong and very stupid of me to do that. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry. I talked to a friend, and he pointed out that I don’t deal with things when times get tough. I want to change that. I need to change that. Hazel, I need you in my life.”
I could see sadness and remorse in his eyes, but I had been down this road with him before. I held my opinions until the end because it appeared that he had more to say.
“I know you are angry with me and that you probably don’t want anything more to do with me, but I am here now and determined to make things right with you. Just please forgive me,” he begged me softly.
I felt torn. I didn’t know if I could trust Alex or believe him. He looked at me with wide eyes as he waited for my answer. I knew I couldn’t stay mad forever. Eventually, I sighed in frustration before I answered him.
“Look, Alex. I forgive you, but I am going to need some time. You hurt me deeply, and it’s going to take some time for me to get over that,” I explained. “I don’t trust you. Yes, you need to change, but I’m not convinced that you will.”
I watched his expression change from joy to sadness and understanding. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked softly.
I shook my head. “No.” I gave him a look of sympathy. “I just need my space and time to get past all of this. Please understand that?” I asked him.
He nodded his agreement. “I’ll be here when you’re ready. I’m not going to make the same mistake twice. Good-Bye, for now, Hazel,” Alex said before he walked off in the direction of his room.
I watched him walk away. “Well, at least he has a room here again,” I said to myself.
Finally free to go to lunch, I locked my room, went down to the lobby, and left the hotel. Outside, the weather was perfect for a walk. There was a diner down the road in the opposite direction that everyone went to. It wasn’t a far walk. Besides, I needed to get out of the hotel and clear my head. Alex had given me a lot to think about, and I needed my space to process it all.
I knew only time would tell if he was really sincere in his feelings or if he was going to run off again. Ugh, I hated being put in situations like this. Having to wait on someone else or trying to guess their thoughts and feelings. It always made things incredibly complicated, but despite what Alex and I had been through, there were still lingering feelings there that I couldn’t ignore.
I reached the diner and walked inside. The place was pretty much empty, so the waitress seated me right away and took my order. Pregnancy makes you crave weird things, so after looking at the menu, I decided on a large stack of pancakes, a basket of French fries, and a large root beer. I couldn’t think about anything else as I ate. All I knew was that I felt more hungry than usual, and I wanted to devour everything in front of me.
I finished my meal with a slice of apple pie and a glass of milk. After eating, I paid my check, left the waitress a tip, and walked back to the hotel. I felt full of food and happiness. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I got sick again, so I needed to get back into my room as soon as possible. I didn’t see Alex or Jay as I hurried through the lobby. That was a relief because I had so much on my mind. I wouldn’t be much company to anyone right now. Besides, my thoughts were things I needed to figure out on my own.