Before You
My gaze intensified, my fingers begging to wrap around her. “Just let me explain. Please, Billie.”
Her tears were dripping faster, and she didn’t wipe them. “I trusted you,” she repeated, and it stabbed even harder the second time. “Jared—Casey—I don’t even know what the hell your name is.”
“It’s Jared. My name is Jared.”
“You should have told me. It’s been months, and you said nothing.” Her lips quivered as she inhaled. “And now, you want to explain yourself? It’s far too late for that.” Her lids squinted shut, a sob shuddering through her. “Oh God …”
She put her hand over her heart, trying to breathe, and I could tell it was getting more difficult. A new emotion was surfacing, and it looked like one of the hardest.
“I don’t know if I would have ever wanted to meet you, Jared. But you took that choice away from me.” Her hands weren’t anywhere near me, but I felt one slap me across the face. “You fucking bastard.” She backed up several lengths.
“Billie …” My throat was tightening, not letting me talk louder than a whisper. “Don’t go. Please.”
She ignored me, and I followed her to the elevator where I gently reached for her hand.
She yanked it away from me. “Don’t touch me.”
“Billie—”
“Don’t call me that. Don’t call me anything.” She walked into the elevator, and as she turned around, she said, “Stay the hell away from me,” right before the door slid closed.
“Billie …” I breathed for the last time, staring at the black elevator door.
May 20 had a new significance, making this day even darker.
It was the day I crashed again … the day Billie completely wiped me from her life.
SIXTY-NINE
BILLIE
I RAN out of Jared’s building. I rushed to the end of the block where there was a public trash can, and I threw up in it. With wind blowing my hair into my face and tears streaming down my cheeks, I heaved, losing the tiny breakfast I had eaten many hours ago.
Not feeling a single stare from anyone passing me, I wiped my hand over my mouth, and I walked down the sidewalk. I had no idea where I was going. I didn’t even know what street I was on.
I just knew I had to be outside.
I needed air.
My feet wanted to move, the time I’d spent in his car stifling.
During the drive, I’d rehearsed what I was going to say, knowing the conversation had to be done in person. That just meant my trip to New York was the longest drive of my life, my thoughts marinating with each mile, my emotions charred by the end.
When I’d pulled into his building, nothing was any clearer. I still couldn’t process a single thought.
Why did he come into my life?
Why didn’t he tell me who he was?
Why did he touch me?
Why did he tell me he loved me?
Why did he let me fall in love with him?
Why did he lie to me?
Why was Casey Rivers the same person as Jared Morgan?
Oh God.
I put my arm against my stomach, needing the pressure to alleviate some of the aching. The movement made the ring on my hand sparkle, the streetlamp glimmering over the gold. It was my mother’s wedding band that my dad had given to me when he thought I was responsible enough not to lose it. I’d worn it on the plane when Jared protected me during the crash. When we made love in his bed. It’d rubbed against his fingers every time he held my hand.
Never once in all these years had I taken it off.
I couldn’t.
The band was a piece of her I wouldn’t let go of.
Because Jared had taken all the other pieces of her away from me.
I froze in the middle of the sidewalk, the gnawing tearing through my body, making it too hard to catch my breath.
Everything hurt.
My muscles were screaming, my joints burning.
I couldn’t breathe.
Because in my mind, I saw the small photo of Casey that I had been holding on to all day, and I saw Jared’s face right before the elevator door closed.
Both were like eight-inch chef knives stabbing straight into my heart.
And then I felt the vibrating.
It came from my pocket, and I didn’t know what made me reach for my phone or why I looked at the screen.