“So, you’ve had sex since Jake?” Dede asks her, a smile on her face. “This is so good to hear.” She claps her hands together then leans over and puts her hand on Lauren’s. “I thought you had that glow about you.”
“I’m going to the bathroom,” Lauren excuses herself as she gets up and points to Kaleigh. “You”—she growls—“come with me.”
“Oh,” Kaleigh replies, completely unperturbed, “I’m good. I don’t need to go. I’ll just wait here. Keep the guests entertained.”
“Not a word. Or else Donkey Kong,” she promises before she storms off.
“So,” Dede starts, turning to Austin. “How long have you two been dating?” She looks at him and then at the door Lauren just walked through.
Kaleigh laughs. “Oh, they aren’t dating, Mom. He’s her boss,” she helpfully points out. “He sent all these penis balloons.”
Frank looks over at Austin. “You sent all these balloons and ruined all her hard work?” he asks.
“Um, sir, if I could just explain.” Before Austin can say anything else, Frank puts up his hand to stop him.
“I like you,” he declares right before someone clinks their glass and the speeches start.
I put my hand around Kaleigh’s chair while my thumb rubs her exposed shoulder. I lean in to whisper in her ear, “So since we are talking about bikini waxes and everything, will I need a machete?”
She puts her shoulder into my arm, fitting there perfectly. “No machete needed. You see, I have a very well-manicured lawn.” She raises her eyebrows at me.
“We should have a picnic. I heard eating well-manicured lawns can fill up a person.”
Her cheeks pinked.
“I’ve never eaten manicured lawn before, but I have eaten some pretty good sausages.” She bites my ear, making me almost groan, but then Austin kicks my chair to get my attention.
My eyebrows shoot up when Austin says urgently, “Gotta go,” then glances over at Lauren, who is coming straight for us like a bull and Austin is the one waving the red cape. “Now would be good.”
He throws his napkin on the plate in front of him. “This has been fun,” he murmurs, trying to escape.
“Running off so early, guys?” she sing-songs as she comes up behind us. The way she says it, even my balls are inverted.
“We intruded,” Austin says. “Thank you for having us. Dede, Frank, I wish you many more years of happiness.” We rush out on a wave, out the side gate.
“Run,” Austin says the minute the gate closes behind us, and he doesn’t have to tell me twice.
“What the fuck just happened? I didn’t even get Kaleigh’s number,” I whine, getting in the car, not even buckling in before he races away.
“I may have had male strippers show up,” he says, looking into his side-view mirror.
I turn my head, seeing about twelve men all getting into a big bus of sorts. “Yup, you’ve done pissed off the fucking Donkey Kong. She’s going to rain down on you. I suggest you run, move, and don’t look back.” I buckle myself in. “Oh, and don’t tell me where you’re going because I’ll fucking tell her.” I grab my cock in my hands. “She’s not getting next to my pride and joy.”
“She’ll be fine.”
I laugh at him. “You think?” I shake my head. “You have no idea.”
Chapter Six
Kaleigh
I don’t know what is going on, but one second I’m talking about eating sausages on my manicured lawn and the next Lauren is storming across the lawn and Austin and Noah are running away.
I get up. “What did I miss?” I look back and forth from the gate where it just slammed and to my sister.
“The entire cast of Thunder From Down Under just arrived.” She looks around to see if the guests are okay.
I get up, raising my skirt a little bit to show off more leg. “Where? Are they inside? Shit, do I look okay?” I fluff my hair.
“Kaleigh,” she whisper-hisses, “they aren’t here anymore. I sent them away.”
I groan and slam one hand on the table. “Why? Why would you do that?” I get up and run to the side gate to see if they’re still in the driveway. “Buzz kill,” I call her as I pick up Rachel. “Can you protect me from Mommy?” I whisper in her ear before blowing kisses in her neck while Lauren sits down and starts her meal of wine.
The rest of the afternoon goes by without any further penis-related incidents. All cupcakes have been consumed, minus the penis cake toppers that Lauren removed before serving them.
Once everyone has left, Lauren plops down into her chair and throws her feet up on the one Austin sat in. “That was fun, right?” I ask, grabbing a strawberry.
“You told people I had a strange excessive hair issue on my hoo-ha that required a complicated bikini wax and styling.” She glares at me.