Tempt the Ex (Tempt 2.5)
“John banged Dani on the couch last week.” He points at me. “I watched.” He smiles. “You did good, grasshopper,” he says as he raises his hand for a high-five.
“You fucking watched?” I yell at him.
I don’t get to say much more to him because now Austin yells at me. “No fucking unless it’s in your own bed. Am I the only one who abides by this rule?”
“Yes!” Noah and I both yell, and Austin just throws up his hands.
“I’m having this place cleaned and steamed, and you two assholes are going to pay for it.” He shakes his head. “What if I sat and ate where her ass was naked or your ball sack rubbed on the table?” He puts his hands to his mouth. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Aha,” Noah exclaims from the corner as he holds up what looks like a huge doobie. Taking a lighter, he lights it, and the smell makes him cough. “I don’t know what to do, but I know that she walked around,” he says as he walks around the room. “I think she was chanting. Maybe we should chant.” He now bounces on his feet as he walks around the room, his hand fanning the sage around. “Zooomma, zooomma, zooomma.”
“What fucking chant is that?” Austin asks as he laughs at him prancing around the room.
“Okay, fine,” Noah says. “Rid us of evil pussy.” His hand shakes around the kitchen table as the sage burns, leaving streaks of white smoke. “Rid us of nasty pussy.” He walks to the fridge. “Rid us of bad tasting pussy.”
“He is out of his mind,” I say as Austin just watches him with an open mouth. He walks into the living room. “Rid us of pussies that have already been ridden in the room.” He walks to the couch where Dani and I had sex. “Rid us of the voodoo vagina that placed her spell on this couch.” He walks through the whole house, and when he comes back down, we’re sitting in the living room watching some bullshit show on television. “Who wants to go get something to eat?” he says as we both hold our noses from his smell.
“Go shower, and we’ll go get something,” Austin says as I look aimlessly at my phone, hoping she’ll send a text or call. I open my Facebook app to look at Dani’s profile, only for it to tell me we aren’t friends anymore. “She unfriended me,” I tell them as I toss my phone to the side. “Who does that?”
Noah gets up, peeling himself out of his sage-smelling shirt. “Girls who want you to think you are missing something when, in fact, she’s probably sitting at home eating bonbons and crying. Dude, she may even gain ten pounds. You saved yourself.”
“You will never get serious with a girl,” I tell him as he walks toward the stairs.
“Good!” he yells. “If it means I won’t be crying on a couch on a Friday night thinking about what my ex is doing, I don’t want to get serious. Fuck, if it wasn’t against the law, I would become a priest.”
“It’s not against the law,” Austin says as he flips the channel on the television.
“It’s against the law if you’re a priest and you fuck all the time. So, therefore, I can’t do it.” He walks upstairs and slams his door, and then we hear the water running.
“There is something seriously wrong with him,” I mention to Austin. “Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should go out and get a rebound.”
“I smell trouble.” Austin turns off the television. “As soon as you put Noah and his idea in the right category, you know shit is going to go all kinds of crazy.”
I’m about to tell him it was a stupid idea when Noah comes running down the stairs. “Pack your condoms, boys. Alpha Sigma Phi just sent out an email. Party at their house, wet T-shirt contest. It’s a sign.”
“He’s right,” Austin says. “We need to just get out and clear the air.”
“Fine, but I’m telling you right now, I don’t want anyone to set me up. Just let me wallow a bit.” I look at them both.
“Wallow?” Noah asks, confused. “You did hear me? Wet T-shirt contest. Fuck, wallow in tits.” He throws his hands up. “Let’s go!” he yells as we follow him out the door and to a party I know I’m going to regret.
Chapter 2
Dani
The music is so loud I can’t hear myself think. “I really shouldn’t be here.” I lean in to tell my roommate, Arya.
She shakes her head and then turns around to shout, “It’ll do you good to be out. You were just staring at your phone, and it was depressing.”
I shake my head as I take in the scene in front of me. A sorority party is the last place I wanted to be after this week. The whole week I was on pins and needles knowing I was going to break up with John. John, who I loved with everything I had; John, who would show up just because. The look on his face when I told him it was over is a look I don’t think I will ever forget. It was the same look that my heart was giving as I told him. We were together for seven months, and I loved everything about it, but then my roommates kept telling me I was wasting my good old college years, and that you don’t really find love in college. College is your time to go out and be free. I thought they were right, but as time goes on and minutes turn into hours, it just gets worse and worse. I don’t know what to do. I open my phone and stalk him on Facebook till Arya found me and unfriended him.