A Million Dirty Secrets (Million Dollar Duet 1)

I nuzzled the spot below her ear, my words thick with passion and laced in pain. “I love you, Delaine. With my whole fucking heart.”

“Oh, God, Noah.” Her voice was so full of emotion that I had to look at her. Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes glassed over. A timid hand cradled my face, and the pad of her thumb swept over my bottom lip. “Please, call me Lanie. Just … Lanie.”

I searched her face, and as one tear slipped down her cheek, I couldn’t find one ounce of proof that she was merely saying it out of pity for me. If I thought my heart had been thumping and flip-flopping before, that was nothing compared to the acrobatics it was doing in that moment. My heart swelled, a gust of warmth shooting through my chest and radiating outward before going straight to my brain. I grew light-headed, yet I couldn’t curve back the smile that spread across my face.

“Lanie,” I repeated in a whisper.

She shivered in my arms. “Jesus, that sounds so sexy. Say it again.” She pushed her fingers into my hair and lifted my head just enough so that she could see my face.

I brought my lips closer, barely ghosting them over hers as I repeated her name, “Lanie …”

Her teeth tugged on my bottom lip, once, twice, and then she sucked it between hers, mumbling, “Again.”

With more vigor than our last, I kissed her, saying her name over and over again because I goddamn could. Finally. My thrusts became more insistent, and I held on to the inside of her knee and rolled my hips against her. Harder, deeper, faster. I grasped the edge of the mattress above us in my hand and used it for momentum as I pulled myself back and forth, in and out. She clung to me, the sweat from our bodies intermingling as we slid against each other. The tendons in my arms and neck were taut, the muscles in my back, abs, and ass getting a serious workout while I gave her everything I had.

Delaine dragged her nails across my back and I prayed to God she left wounds there, wounds that would never heal—scars to rival the ones that would be left on my heart when she left me.

I pulled back to look at her, memorizing her every feature, and I couldn’t help but notice the way the vein in her neck throbbed with her heavy heartbeat. Yet another vision that would haunt me for the rest of my life. So exquisite.

A drop of sweat dangled precariously on the tip of my nose until it fell onto her bottom lip, and I watched as she flicked her tongue out and tasted it. Her eyes closed and she hummed like she’d just popped the last gourmet chocolate into her mouth and was savoring the taste.

“Look at me, kitten,” I whispered. She did as I said, her eyes forming an instant connection with mine. It was a connection that went so much deeper than outward appearances. “I love you, Lanie.”

“Noah, I …” She moaned and then bit down on her bottom lip, tossing her head back. Her orgasm rippled through her body in waves and her body stretched tight beneath me.

That sight. Oh, God, that sight. The look on her face when I told her I loved her and she orgasmed … there simply were no words adequate enough to describe how it made me feel.

With one final thrust, I followed suit. I could feel her inner walls gripping and stroking, milking me as I throbbed and pulsed inside her until there was nothing left to give. I rolled onto my side and took her with me, using both arms to hold her against my chest, unwilling to let her go. And wasn’t that the crux of the matter? I couldn’t let her go, but I had to. Because to keep her there would just be cruel.

We lay there in our postcoital bliss for what seemed like a lifetime, but it still wasn’t long enough. Neither of us said anything, neither of us relinquished our hold, both of us lost in our own thoughts. The sheets were drenched—soaked from our wet bodies, soaked by the sweat of our labor, soaked by the resulting release. And oh, what a sweet release it was.

And then she broke the silence.

“Noah.” Her voice was so soft I barely heard her say my name. “We need to talk.” That I heard loud and clear. And I didn’t want to, because this was the part where everything got ruined, where I got bitch-slapped by reality … where she told me she was going to leave.

“Shh, not yet.” I smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. “It can wait until the morning. For now, let’s just stay here like this.”

Delaine … Lanie nodded and nuzzled her face back into my chest without another word, giving me that one last night to hold her in my arms. It was the first and only night that everything was right in the goddamn world because she was there and she knew I loved her. No way was I going to sleep and waste one second of what precious little time I had left with her.

~$~

For the remainder of the night, I stayed right there. As she slept peacefully, I stroked her hair, rubbed her back, inhaled her scent. It wasn’t until the first tinge of orange tinted the morning sky that I finally maneuvered my way out from under her. A soft kiss to her cheek and a whispered “I love you,” and I was off to take my shower.

As I passed by the bedroom door, an invisible hand seemed to reach in from out of nowhere to grab hold of me. Down the hall and into my office it dragged me, until I found myself standing in front of an open drawer on my desk. With a shaky hand, I reached inside and pulled out my copy of the contract, the contract that bound Delaine to me for the next two years.

Lanie

I awoke the next morning and freaked for just a moment (okay, it was longer than a moment) when I couldn’t feel and then didn’t see Noah in the bed. But then I sat up and looked around, noticing that the bathroom door was closed, which meant he had to be there. I realized I was still naked, which wasn’t too shocking since Noah had always insisted I sleep like that—truthfully, I kind of liked it—and the gown that I had discarded was still lying on the floor where I had stepped out of it last night before the shower. It hadn’t all been another one of my delusional dreams. I floated back down to the bed and snuggled with Noah’s pillow.

He loved me. He really loved me.

And he hadn’t just said it. He’d shown me with every touch, every kiss, with every part of him until there could never be any doubt.

My thoughts flashed back to mere hours before, and I smiled so hard that my cheeks hurt. I was soaring on the inside, my body vibrating on the out.

I knew the second he told me he loved me with his “whole fucking heart” that he meant it. But it just didn’t sound right for him to say something like that, without using the name I had insisted he had no right to use. He’d more than earned the right to call me Lanie. Nothing could have been more right. And when I heard him say it, heard the L roll off his talented tongue—gah, it gave me goose bumps, and I trembled from the inside out, yearning to hear it over and over again.