A Million Guilty Pleasures (Million Dollar Duet 2)

Moments later, after much prodding to make Noah get his Ridonkabutt in gear so that he wouldn’t be late for work, I found myself standing on the front porch of my parents’ house, my fist banging on the door. As I expected, Mack sleepily wrenched the door open. His eyes widened when he saw me standing there.

“Lanie? What the hell are you doing outside in the rain in the middle of the night?”

I pushed past him and he closed the door, turning toward me for an answer.

My mother appeared from the hallway, obviously having been roused from her sleep as well. “What’s going on out here?” she asked, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Standing there against the door jamb, she looked the picture of perfect health.

“I was just about to find out the answer to that myself,” Mack told her, his stare never leaving me. “Lanie?”

So I told them the truth.

“Noah showed up, and asked me to marry him.”

“He what?” Faye’s eyes went wide with excitement, and a huge smile spread across her face.

“He what?” my dad also asked, his voice not sounding near as pleased as my mother’s.

I turned toward him and set my chin in determination. “He asked me to marry him, and I said yes.”

“That’s wonderful!” my mother squealed as she came to hug me.

Mack raked his hands over his face in exasperation. “And how the hell did you end up locked outside in the rain?”

“I climbed down the tree to get to him,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Oh, that is so romantic.” My mother had a dreamy tone in her voice.

“That is so stupid!” Mack countered. “You could’ve broken your neck, young lady. Where is he?”

“Oh, stow it, Mack,” my mom said, coming to my rescue. “This is great news, and I’m not going to let you ruin it for us.”

I knew that my mother had never really had what you’d call a romantic proposal. The way she told the story, Mack had picked her up for a date, turned to look at her, and said, “So you wanna get hitched?” She told him sure, and he said, “Well, all right then,” before turning back to start the car. She hadn’t been complaining; it was just the way they were. Exactly like how Noah’s proposal, and my acceptance, was the way we were.

“Let’s grab some coffee,” my mother said, dragging me toward the kitchen. “You have to tell me everything.”

My father sighed in resignation and rolled his eyes. “I’m going back to bed.”

Faye and I were still sitting in the kitchen when the storm finally subsided and the sun peeked over the horizon. I told her the whole story, even the part where we made love under the canopy of trees next door. She hung on my every word like she was a kid and I was telling her the story of Santa Claus.

“Let me see the ring,” she said, lifting my hand up to see none there.

I shrugged. “It was sort of spur-of-the-moment. Besides, I don’t really need a ring.”

“Lanie, he’s Noah Crawford. He’s going to make sure you have one.”

“Either way, it doesn’t matter. Just to know he loves me is enough.” And it was. I’d never been the flashy type, but my mother was right: Noah was going to make certain I had a ring. I only hoped it wasn’t going to be something huge that cost way too much. Heck, he could give me a secret decoder ring out of a Cracker Jack box and it would suit me just fine. Polly and Lexi would probably go batshit over it, but I wouldn’t care.

“Baby,” my mother said with sincerity as she took my hand in hers, “you have to go to him. You can’t stay here.”

“Mom, he’s cool with it,” I said, cutting her off. “When you’re better, that’s when I’ll go.”

“Now you listen to me, Delaine Talbot,” she said, her voice taking on that motherly tone. “I’m doing just fine. In fact, I’ve never felt better. It’s time you stop living your life around me and your father and go live your own. That man is crazy about you, and you’re just as crazy about him. Go. I insist.”

“You’re kicking me out?” I asked in mock outrage.

“Yes, I am,” she said, playing along. “Get your shit and get the hell out of my house.”

We had a good laugh and hugged. I was all kinds of giddy inside, knowing that Noah and I would finally be together without anything keeping us apart. The Cooch was mighty excited about that prospect as well. She and the Wonder Peen were going to be reunited, and the only thing that stood in the way of their happiness was the Cooch’s obsession with the Ridonkabutt. However, I didn’t doubt they’d somehow work things out so that she could enjoy the best of both worlds.

Noah had called to let me know he’d made it back okay and was on his way into work. I decided not to tell him I was coming home to him, or that I had told my folks about our upcoming nuptials. I wanted to see the look of surprise on his face when I showed up and made the announcement.

I called Dez at her parents’ house and woke her lazy ass up to tell her the good news. After about three straight minutes of listening to her bitching about me waking her up, I finally cut her off and just blurted the words out.

The first thing she said to me was, “And I suppose you want me to be your maid of honor?”

I laughed at her nonchalance. “If you’re not too terribly busy, I’d love that.”

Dez sighed. “I guess I can do that, but you better know now that there will definitely be strippers at the bridal shower.”

“You mean the bachelorette party?”

“Yeah, that too.”

I laughed. “Hey, do you get a discount since you’ve slept with all of them?”

“Fuck you very much, and I damn well better.” She laughed with me, and then she got serious. “I’m really happy for you, Lanie. But I’m still going to set his balls on fire if he fucks up.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet. Now get your butt over here. I need you to drive me to Chicago.”

“You’re lucky I don’t have to work until tonight,” she huffed. “I’ll be there in two shakes of a donkey’s dick, trick.”

I had just finished packing my things and stacking them by the front door when I wandered into the kitchen and saw my father sitting there having his lunch. He glanced up at me, his eyes full of sadness, and then returned his attention to his sandwich.

I knew he was upset but holding his tongue for my mother’s sake.