Devotion

I make my way down the hallway to the double doors that lead to his office. Elina never told me I wasn’t allowed to go back here. In fact, she told me I was allowed everywhere but to let someone know if I went out to the beach.

I walk down the hall but stop when I hear voices. One of the doors to Noah’s office is slightly ajar. I debate turning around and leaving until I hear a woman’s voice and find myself taking a step closer to his office as quietly as possible.

“It’s time for you to come home. We need you,” I hear the woman say. The words make a pit form in my stomach. Does he have a family somewhere? Maybe off the island? I close my eyes, feeling like someone punched me as I try to catch my breath. “You can’t stay here and play with this girl like a toy. For Christ’s sake, she looks like she’s barely gone through puberty. You’re going to ruin your reputation along with your career.”

“When have I ever cared about my reputation? In fact—”

I turn, not wanting to hear any more. I place my hand over my mouth so a sob won’t escape. I go to the only place I ever go when I feel I have nothing. The dance studio.

I pause in the doorway when I see a man cleaning the room. I wipe the tears from my eyes. I know I should probably go back to my room, but I walk into the dance studio.

“Do you mind?” I point to the stereo, and he shakes his head. I need to dance. I have to. It’s the only thing that can push away the things I’m feeling. I need to get lost for a few moments and let go.

I shouldn’t be upset. Noah isn’t mine. Maybe the things he’s been doing with me were fatherly and I didn’t know any better. I never had a father in my life. I guess I took things to be more than they were, or maybe I wanted it so bad I pretended to see more than there really was. Once again I was being a naïve little girl.

I walk over to the stereo and flip it on, not caring if the cleaner is watching me. I’m used to it. Heck, I’m used to dancing in front of thousands of people nightly. I brush away a few of the tears still lingering on my cheeks and start to move.

The word “toy” flutters through my mind over and over as I let my body move to the music. Was she his wife? Is this why this place exists? Does he sweep away all his “toys” to this island? Is that what I am? A thing to play with?

Yes, my mind says. People are always using you for what they want. What they can get from you. I move faster, trying to dispel my dark thoughts, but they keep rushing at me. For once in my life, I can’t make them disappear.

“Get. The. Fuck Out,” I hear bellowed through the room, and I freeze.

I turn to see Noah standing in the doorway to the dance studio, and my heart drops. He wants me to leave. Maybe the woman won the battle. He’s sending me back.

“Okay,” I whisper, walking over to the stereo and turning it off.

“I thought I made it clear to all male staff they weren’t allowed around here. I want everyone off the island. Now.”

I turn to look at him, confused by his words, and I see he’s talking to the man who was cleaning the studio. The man nods and practically runs from the room.

Noah turns his eyes on me, running his hands through his hair as if trying to get himself under control.

I stand there, unsure what to do. I can’t be mad at him, can I? I have to stay here for a whole year. Even if he can’t be mine and belongs to someone else, I’d rather be here than back home with my mom. At least maybe here I could avoid him. Though I’m not so sure he is avoidable.

“Little star,” he growls, clearing some of the distance between us. “You cannot allow men to see you like this.” He raises his hand and trails his finger over the fabric of my nightgown, brushing the side of my breast softly.

I look down, realizing I hadn’t given a though to what I was wearing.

“You see me like this.” I raise my chin in defiance. Why does he care if men see me? He has a wife. I think.

“Yes, I see you like this,” he agrees. I step away from him.

“Don’t you have work or something to be doing? How about you do that and I’ll dance for whoever I want.”