Dishonorable

I moved to cover myself, but he gripped my hand and shook his head and watched the sky.

“There’s been a change to the contract,” he said without looking at me.

The breeze felt suddenly cold against my skin, and I shuddered. “What change?”

Raphael squeezed my wrist and turned to me. “We’ll be married in two days.”

“Two days?” Why did I panic at the thought? I knew it was coming.

He nodded. “Don’t look at me like that. At least you get to see your sister.”

“Raphael—” I began to rise, but he stopped me. He sat up, took off his T-shirt, and began to wipe me clean. He didn’t speak as he did, and once he was finished, he pulled the dress down to cover me.

“The change, Sofia,” he said. “It’s not the date. It’s something else.”

I sat up, the look in his eyes a warning.

“It’s an amendment to the contract.”

“What amendment?” I asked, knowing what he’d tell me, what he’d agreed to, it would be a betrayal of me.

“The marriage will be consummated.”

Confused, I waited.

“Your grandfather requested the change.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He wants your blood on my sheets.”

The detachment in his tone left me cold.

I shook my head, pulling away from him. I would consummate the marriage. I wanted it. He had to know that. But didn’t he want it? Was tonight…would he make love to me—no, he wouldn’t make love. He would fuck me. I should never make that mistake, not with him. He would fuck me to fuck my grandfather. That’s all this was about, and I’d been a fool to think otherwise even for a second.

He stood. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

I could only stare up at him, not believing what I was hearing.

“One night, Sofia. You’ll survive it. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t pretend you don’t want it.”

He reached down to grab hold of me.

“Get away from me,” I said, scrambling backward.

“Christ.”

I stood, backing away. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Why humiliate me like this?” I looked at my panties discarded on the grass, and that shame I felt made my skin burn.

“Don’t be dramatic. Let’s go.”

“You’re going to take something that could be beautiful and make it ugly. You have no right.” I tried to process, to understand how this could be happening. “Do I repulse you?” I finally asked.

“What?” he asked.

I snorted, shaking my head. “You’re going to fuck me so you have bloodied sheets to prove the marriage is binding? To ensure my grandfather doesn’t contest your supposed rights to my inheritance?”

He inhaled deeply and watched me, as if confused himself.

“You don’t repel me. Far from it,” he said.

“I can’t believe you. God, I am such a fool, aren’t I?”

“Calm down, Sofia. Let’s go home.”

“I already told you, this isn’t my home. It will never be my home. You’ve just made sure of that.”

“All right, that’s enough.”

He grabbed hold of my arms.

“I hate you,” I said, tears blurring my vision. “I hate that you’re going to do this to me.”

“It’s not like you don’t want it.”

“I’m not talking about the fucking, you prick!”

Without answering me, he turned, keeping hold of one of my arms and walking us back to the truck.

“Let me go. Get off me.”

“And what, leave you here? Call for my brother to come get you? You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You two sure got close fast, Sofia.”

I fought him the whole way back to the truck, even though it was futile.

“Well, news flash. He’s going to be a fucking priest. He’s celibate. Or should be.”

What the hell did that mean? “I don’t want your brother. It’s not like that.”

“No?” He opened the driver’s side door and lifted me up, then pushed me across the bench to the passenger side. “What’s it like, then?”

“I keep thinking you’re one way, but you’re not,” I said as he started the engine and put the car in gear.

“Put on your seat belt.”

“I keep thinking you’re just lost and hurt and—”

“Well, maybe you should stop thinking that. Maybe you should just accept the fact that I am a fucking monster. That I will fuck you, so I can show your sick grandfather the bloodied sheets he wants to see.”

“You’re both sick.” I covered my face with my hands.

“Well, look on the bright side. One night with me and it’s done. You don’t ever have to touch me again.”

“You’re right,” I said, not even caring he was driving too fast. “You were right all along. I shouldn’t have ever thought anything else. You are a monster. Just like your father.”

Chapter Twelve

Raphael

After the evening in Civitella in Val di Chiana, I doubted Sofia would appreciate that we’d be married in the Basilica of Santa Croce in Florence, alongside the resting places of Michelangelo, Galileo and Machiavelli, before the eyes of God and a handful of witnesses and fucking throngs of tourists. Tourists were unavoidable this time of year. I could almost tolerate them.