Falling From Disgrace

“Why couldn’t it work out?” Heather asked, handing Adrianna another tissue to dry her eyes.

“I don’t know. I’m just not a girl who’s suited for relationships.”

“Why do you say that?”

Adrianna shrugged and her throat got tight again thinking of her answer. “I’m just not a good person, Heather,” she choked out and then started sobbing all over again.

“Oh, honey, that’s just not true!” Heather pulled Adrianna into a hug again, feeling awful for the girl and wanting to console her.

“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” she blubbered. “The accident I was in... it really messed me up.”

Heather had always known there was something Adrianna kept hidden away from others. In the two years since she moved across the hall from her, she didn’t have friends visit, didn’t work, didn’t have a steady boyfriend, and didn’t go out very often. Heather knew there was more to that than just being shy, but she didn’t want to come across as a nosy neighbor and never questioned her.

When Adrianna didn’t elaborate any more on what she meant by “messed up”, Heather told her, “You’re a sweet girl, Adrianna. You help the old divorcee across the hall with her laundry and keep her lonely ass company, that’s gotta count for something right?”

Adrianna huffed a half-assed laugh and then pulled out of her only friend’s arms.

“And you said you’ve seen him over the last few weeks so there’s something in there this Jack guy likes, right?”

“He doesn’t know the real me,” Adrianna whispered.

“Adrianna,” Heather continued, “when I look at you I see a beautiful, young woman who is fun, and smart, and just a little lonesome. I think if you’d just let yourself open up to people a little more, you’ll see that you’re strong and kind and worth someone else’s affections. Let this Jack guy in, open up to him and I bet he’ll see what I see in you.”

“What if I do and he doesn’t want me?” Adrianna questioned.

“Then he’s not worth your time and you’ll find someone else who is.”

“I don’t know,” Adrianna spoke. “Shit like this is just too hard. I think it’s easier to just break it off with Jack now before he can do it later on when it’ll really hurt.”

“Listen, toots,” Heather said more forcefully now. She moved an errant curl from in front of her eye and gave Adrianna the same look she gave to Trevor when she wanted him to know she meant business. “You’re talking to a woman who married her high school sweetheart and then learned he was having an affair with a dental assistant when she was eight months pregnant. Life sucks, shit isn’t fair, but we deal with it, don’t we? I’m a firm believer in what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and if you live your life not taking any chances because you’re afraid of what might happen, you might as well dig yourself a hole and bury yourself in it.”

Adrianna sat quietly and let what Heather said sink in. Yes, Heather had been through a lot, but it was something she had gotten over, not having a physical reminder of it every day of her life. It wasn’t like Adrianna had that luxury. Every shooting pain down her back, every pill she swallowed, reminded her of the accident that killed her best friend and no matter how much time went by, those memories would never fade. Her best friend had been taken away from her tragically and eventually, Jack would leave her too.

“He’s not going to want me once I tell him the truth,” Adrianna finally said.

“You don’t know that! Look at it this way,” Heather continued. “You’re sitting here crying, broken up over him but it was you who told him to go away, right? He didn’t want to leave. Go to him, tell him what it is you’re afraid he isn’t going to like and if he can’t handle it you’ll be no worse off than you are now.”

It dawned on Adrianna that what Heather was saying made perfect sense. And as bad as things were, Adrianna wasn’t ready for her life to end and she didn’t want to live the rest of it alone and addicted to pills. She wanted to get better. She wanted to be happy. She wanted her life back.