Heartbreaker: A Filthy Dirty Love Novel
Her last words were like a knife to his gut, and he locked his knees not to wobble when she continued. “I like you, a lot, in fact. But I promised myself I’d never make things this complicated again. Us…this…it wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to have sex. But now, everything is different. And I can’t hope and wonder if you’re going to be the guy I need you to be because then I’m setting myself up to get hurt.” She paused. Then, her voice and expression hardened. “I won’t do that again. I want a guy who wants me back. Fully and completely. Not in a way that suits him.” She blinked, and when her eyes locked on to his again, he realized he’d already lost her as she said, “I promised myself I would never be that quiet girl who sits back with a perfect smile, pretending that everything is okay. Not again. I need something real. I need something honest. And we had that for a little while.”
His breath caught in his throat as she rose from her spot on the couch. With each step she took toward him, the air seemed impossible to breathe. A soft smile reached her face as her hands came to his forearms, and he felt his muscles strain, though not from the heat of desire. This was a desire to grab on to what belonged to him and keep her safe.
“I’m sorry that this got complicated. I never wanted that. You’ve been nothing but amazing to me, and I don’t regret a single moment with you.” She hesitated then, and that’s when Maddox saw what this was truly all about. She cared for him, deeply, it seemed, and this was self-preservation. “But right now, I can walk away from you without hurting. If I let this go on any longer, I won’t be able to do that.”
His heart hammered in his ears as she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her warm lips against his in a sweet, soft kiss that said so much without saying anything at all.
When she backed away, tears slid down her cheeks. “Goodbye, Maddox.”
The room closed in on him, a cold sweat washing over him as she strode away. Then the world as he knew it spun on its axis as her bedroom door clicked shut.
Chapter 12
The following night after the breakup, and unable to sleep or get anything right in his mind, Maddox left his house for the gym but instead arrived at Seattle Springs, the nursing home where his father had lived for two years. Everything looked different now, nothing the same. Truth was, he didn’t know how to fix everything, but he didn’t know how to let Joss go either. He strode through the main doors and turned right, entering the sitting room.
He leaned against the doorframe and smiled, staring at the man sitting in the corner by the window, reading a book. Amusing to say the least because, before Alzheimer’s, his father had hated reading. That was the weirdness of the disease. His father didn’t even act like himself anymore, except for being a night owl. Once a stoic, hard-ass cop, now he’d become a scholar who discussed things that forced Maddox to read a few books so he understood what his father talked about.
“Today’s a good day.”
Maddox turned toward the sweet voice, finding Nancy, a nurse that’d been at the nursing home since his father moved in. “Those have been few and far between. Any reason for the change?” Maddox asked.
Nancy half shrugged, giving her gentle smile. “I’m not sure, but he’s been like this all day. He’s very lucid and aware. Go talk to him while it lasts.” She turned on her heels, picking up a tray with plastic drinking cups on her way out into the hall.
Maddox moved toward the two cotton wingback chairs resting in front of the bay window. “Hello,” he said with a smile, not using a name since that could set his father off. He’d been everything from George to Harry to Edward, but never John, his real name. “I’m Maddox, and I’d like to visit with you today if that’s all right.” Which is what the support staff told him to say whenever he approached his father.
“Yes, of course, please take a seat,” said John, closing the book and putting it on the round side table next to him.
Maddox took his seat, finding his father dressed in a white shirt with a blue sweater overtop and beige slacks. Appearance-wise, no one would ever know there was anything wrong with him. He had the same bright eyes, the same color as Maddox’s. Same medium build. Same deep wrinkles around his eyes. Same gray hair. But this man was a shell of what his father used to be. “What book are you reading there?” Maddox asked.
“It’s a love story I found on my bedside table this afternoon after my nap, along with a whole basket of things,” John said sheepishly. “I know it seems silly for a man of my age to read such things, but I was such a failure at love during my life, I wondered how other men managed it.”