The Hero's Redemption
“I guessed.”
“You willing to stay on?”
“I’d…hoped to.”
Phillips smiled. “Excellent. You know most of the guys look up to you already? You have a quiet way of taking charge without anyone noticing that’s what you’re doing.”
Cole did know. Even in school, he’d ended up masterminding group projects. He didn’t think of himself as a leader, but he really wasn’t a very good follower. “All I do is put in a word when I see a way to do something easier or better.”
Keen eyes studied him. “You’re a bit of a puzzle.” Phillips shook himself, like a dog changing moods. “You keep on like you have been, and you’ll be one of my foremen before you know it.”
Cole was almost as stunned as he’d been when Erin offered him a job. He stared at the other man for longer than was polite before he got out a husky, “Thank you,” and excused himself.
Walking back to his pickup to get his hard hat and tool belt, he ached to call Erin. Share his good news. Knowing he couldn’t left him feeling hollow—or maybe just expanded the hollow place that was always there now. The one that had him second-guessing his decision to walk away from her, even though he was still convinced he’d needed to do it.
I miss you. If he’d actually said the words, how would she have responded?
But he knew. Guess we’re both moving on. She’d soon find herself bored working at the library. Eventually the grief would soften, and she’d want her real life back.
Buckling on his tool belt, Cole gave a helpless shrug. Had Erin resigned from the college where she’d taught? Or had they extended her a leave of absence, and expected her back in September? If that was the case, next time he drove by the house, he might see a For Sale sign in front.
When that day came, he could quit looking for her whenever he went out. Damn. Had he really held any hope? If so, he’d be smart to let it go.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
WITH THE NIGHT dark and eerily quiet, Erin sat in the driver’s seat of the Cherokee. She’d resisted the temptation last night after seeing Cole, as she had every night since she’d promised she wouldn’t do this again. She didn’t even know what had propelled her out here at two in the morning. Probably a nightmare, but if so, she didn’t remember it.
The key was in the ignition. The fact that she hadn’t fastened the seat belt or started the engine meant she hadn’t yet committed. Instead, gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles ached, she closed her eyes and ran through what she wanted to do. Put the key in the ignition. Shift from Park. Roll quietly down the driveway. Turn right at the street. She imagined taking every turn, all the way to Highway 9. There, if she saw no headlights, she could press her foot down on the accelerator. The veil separating her from the girls would thin. She might even see their faces as she felt the rush, as the world blurred. As her terror climbed.
Her eyes flew open. Terror? Where had that come from? She wouldn’t be afraid. She never had been, except when the animal had run out onto the highway in front of her.
On a little pop of surprise, she knew better. I will be now.
Erin moaned. Wrong verb tense. She would be scared now. The word will implied that it would definitely happen, which wasn’t true. She’d promised Cole. Maybe only impulse had motivated him to hang around to talk to her the other night. Maybe he felt genuine curiosity about how she was doing. He might never give her a thought again, she didn’t know, but he’d meant something huge to her. And now, crap, her eyes were leaking, because she’d used the wrong verb tense again. He still meant something huge to her. Maybe…always would.
No, she couldn’t think like that. She couldn’t handle mourning one more person.
So if he didn’t care anymore, why not go for a drive tonight?
Because she’d promised. Because, while the craving still gnawed at her, the urgency had lessened. Because I won’t deliberately set myself up to die.
She’d get there eventually, after all. Since living forever wasn’t an option, the time would come, whether it was a year from now or fifty years from now. If there really was an afterlife, she’d see the girls then, along with her parents and Nanna and Grandpa.