Crazy Heifer (The Valentine Boys 2)

“You both decided that?” I had a hard time not chuckling.

“Yes,” Malloy said. “We did.”Chapter 7I survived another meeting that should’ve been an email.

-Coffee Cup

Callum

After leaving Desi’s house, my day went to absolute shit.

And it all started and ended with ass.

“Whose fucking mule is that?” I asked Banks. “And why the fuck am I the one responsible for taking it back?”

Banks, my unsympathetic twin brother, shrugged. “No idea. I’ve just been told by four people at the feed store that a young woman off of Big Springs Road is missing her ass and that this donkey looks a lot like hers.”

“And you’re not doing it because…” I pushed.

Banks curled his lip at me in disgust.

“One, you were supposed to be here hours ago to help me ride fence,” he said. “Two, I had to do it all myself while you were out playing hero. Three, the woman on Big Springs Road is Candy Ray Sunshine.”

There was a beat of silence, and then I burst out laughing.

“Candy Ray moved back?” I gasped through uneven breaths, hunching over and hoping the new position would help me breathe. It was useless, though. “Ah, God. You poor bastard.”

Banks punched me in the kidney, making my howl of laughter turn into a shout of pain.

“Ow, you big bastard,” I hissed. “Fuck, that hurt!”

“Stop laughing at me, goddammit,” he ordered. “And take the goddamn ass back. Oh, and fuck you.”

He walked away before I could tease him anymore, and I looked at the mule with new light.

“Come on, buddy,” I called as I grabbed the mule’s flowered halter. “Let’s go back home to your friend.”

***

It was an hour later, the mule was returned to a very ungrateful Candy Ray, who at first had thought I was my brother, and who wasn’t convinced I wasn’t playing her.

See, her ass had caused me to fall. I’d then done the whole roll on the ground in the dirt, which had then caused my hair to become caked with the shit. Without my customary auburn hair—one of the only distinguishing factors between my brother and I—and since Candy hadn’t seen me in ages, she’d mistaken me for Banks.

I’d had to dust my hair free of the dirt before she believed me.

All the while, my ankle throbbed and ached from the awkward fall, and then the walk I’d had to endure the rest of the way there and back.

Needless to say, I was exhausted.

I hadn’t slept well last night thinking about a certain woman, I’d missed dinner, and the house was blissfully quiet. Not a single soul in sight.

Which was par for the course seeing as the moment my ass hit the couch and I got my foot into an elevated position, there was a knock on the door. I contemplated getting up for all of three seconds before I called, “Come in!”

There was a slight hesitation by whoever was at the door, then the very last person I expected to see poked her head around the door.

“Desi?” I exclaimed.

“I’m, hi!” she chirped. Then her eyes narrowed on me as she pushed the door all the way open and hurried inside. “What happened?”

The door slammed closed in her haste to get to me, and the worry on her face had things inside of me unfurling and my mouth forming into a tired grin.

“I’ve had one hell of a day,” I admitted. “After I left your house, I went to find Banks and ran over a piece of metal, causing me to have to change Ace’s truck tire. Then when I finally found Banks, he was staring a donkey in the face and informing me that I had to take him back.”

“Why you?” she asked as she gingerly sat on the edge of the ottoman my foot was resting on.

“Because, apparently, Banks ran the entire line of fence by himself and fixed and repaired it without me.” I rolled my eyes. “And he was punishing me.”

“It was punishment to take the donkey back to his house?” she asked curiously.

I nodded once. “Yes.”

She picked up the bag of ice on my foot and winced when she saw the bruise that was forming.

“Because it wasn’t just anybody’s donkey. It was Candy Ray Sunshine’s donkey,” I said, talking to her as if she should know what kind of hell that would be.

“And who is Candy Ray Sunshine?” She grinned.

I moved slightly on the couch, making room for her. She watched me struggle for a few seconds before standing up and bending over me to move the copious number of blankets and pillows that were stacked on the couch to prop my foot up.

“Candy Ray Sunshine, otherwise known as Cray-Cray, is Banks’ high school nemesis/crush,” I explained. “Banks and Candy love to hate each other. And, right before we shipped out for Houston after our parents died, Banks fucked her over for the school Sadie Hawkins dance. Said he’d go with her. She got all dressed up. Then he went with a friend.”